‘One waiting to happen when you rush about like that. You can’t keep doing things like this, Kore. You’re becoming ayoung woman – you need to start behaving like one. No more racing the nymphs.’
I blink, trying to puzzle it out. Finally I ask, ‘But why?’
‘Why what?’
‘Why can’t I race the nymphs? It’s fun.’
‘I should think why would be quite clear enough,’ she says as she ties the final bandage, a slight smile on her face. I relax a little but then her smile falls. She pushes her shoulders back and looks me right in the eye. ‘Those sorts of things are all well and good when you’re a child but you’re not any more. Running around the island, cartwheeling in the grass – it’s not appropriate now. They’ll think you a wild nymph, not a respectable goddess. They’re already telling stories of your grace on Olympus. Don’t you want that? To be a mature, elegant young lady? Don’t you want to make me proud?’
I know the correct answer and I’m nodding before she’s even finished talking, but something inside me is withering like a flower thrust into the shade.
‘Good girl,’ she says, kissing my forehead and patting my shoulder affectionately. ‘I love you so much, Kore.’
And I feel it, that glow of her approval. But, when I go to bed that night, my pillow is wet with tears – and I’m not sure why they are falling.
I wake to damp linen on my cheek. Blinking back sleep, I feel the bafflement I did as a child. It always felt like the rules were shifting. I could never predict what wouldn’t be allowed until I got into trouble for it. Eventually it just felt like anything that brought me joy was wrong.
I love my mother. All she’s ever done is protect me.
But there must be a reason I’m thinking about her so much – and why every thought fills me with such fear. What I wouldn’t do to talk to Cyane about all this. Though I know what she would say: ‘Your mother loves you and that means wanting what’s best for you.’ That is always Cyane’s answer: ‘She loves you, she loves you, she loves you.’
But can you really love someone when you’re trying to change everything about them?
Guilt takes over. How could I even suggest there are faults with my mother’s love after watching her with Hermes? She’s fighting my father to buy me some small measure of protection. I should be thankful for everything she’s done for me – her whole life on an island to keep me from the Olympians, all the sacrifices she’s made …
I throw the blankets aside and push my sticky hair from my face.
This is all Hades’ fault. He probably wanted me to have exactly this sort of emotional breakdown by showing me what he showed me. And what have I discovered, exactly? I already had the outline; he’s just given the picture some detail.
There are more pressing things that need my attention.
Hades is in the library reading my notes so intently that he doesn’t even notice when I walk in.
‘What are you doing?’ I demand.
He starts, properly jumping back, and his aura flickers along his skin before disappearing again. For a moment I’m frozen. Either he’s a better actor than I’ve given him credit for or his reaction was authentic, and more disarming than anything he’s done so far.
‘Sorry,’ he says. It seems less a genuine apology and more a reflex, which surprises me from a man who wears a crown. Then that cocky smile returns to his face and he leans back in the desk chair with all the confidence of a man who owns a realm. Which he does, obviously, but I still don’t like it. ‘As I said yesterday, I’m not going to try to stop you.’
‘You couldn’t if you tried.’
‘Yes, yes, you quite made that point. And I may not care about the humans but I do care about my libraries. This place is a mess but it’s nothing compared to these notes.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘You’re excused – you just have much to learn.’
‘I –’
‘Don’t have time to learn? Yes, you’ve also made your intent to rush this clear. So I’ve decided to help you.’
‘I don’t need your damn help,’ I snap, finally managing to get a word in.
‘Yes, Kore, yes you do.’ And he looks … disappointed, which is the last thing I thought I’d see when he looked at me.
‘You’ve had this realm for years and done nothing with it. Now you want to help?’
‘I told you: I don’t care about the realm; I care about my scrolls. So I’ll take notes for you and keep this place tidy as you’re obviously incapable of keeping anything in order yourself.’
