But he needs to trust me first.
‘Tired, confused, scared, angry. A lot of other things, I think.’ I rub at my eyes. If I could only wake up a bit more. If this exhaustion were something physical, I could process it better. ‘I can’t stop thinking about the nymphs she turned into sirens.’
Hades smiles and it’s gentler than usual, not the usual cocky smirk or unnerved grin. ‘With everything your mother, Poseidon and Zeus said, you can’t stop thinking about the nymphs?’
Maybe it was his intention, but my tiredness lifts and I glare at him. ‘I care an awful lot about them.’
‘Yes, and the humans – who don’t you care about?’
‘The gods?’ I suggest.
Hades shrugs. ‘Understandable.’
‘Why don’tyoulike them?’ I ask. ‘Kronos chose you too. Zeus gave you this world. Why are you so different from them?’
He shrugs again. ‘Well, I’m not the only one – plenty of the gods of the Underworld feel the same. And who knows how many gods of Olympus and Oceanus are performing roles they feel forced into. But the others? I don’t know … Some of the things they did in the war, the war itself, even … well, the Underworld seemed like the furthest place to go to get away from them – to forget about them all.’
I scowl. ‘Mother said Zeus randomly allocated the domains to those stolen by Kronos.’
Hades snorts. ‘He thinks he did.’
I nod. After all, I came to the same understanding – that there is no better place to escape. ‘Is everyone in this realm a runaway?’
Hades laughs. ‘More or less.’
I must look at him a little too long because he sighs.
‘You don’t feel safe here, do you?’
‘Nowhere is safe from my father.’
‘That’s not what I meant. You still don’t feel safe around me.’
My nails bite into my arm. ‘I don’t think you’re going to hurt me. And I know you swore the oath. But every time I so much as laugh around you I think: what do you get from it? What do you get from being nice to me? From getting me to trust you?’
He shakes his head. ‘I don’t like that you’re on edge all the time.’
‘Well, can you blame me? You spent days snapping at me and trying to get me to leave. And then you decided that Iwasn’t actually here for some nefarious purpose and you did a complete personality switch. Why wouldn’t I feel on edge around you? I have no idea who you are.’
‘You switched personalities too.’
‘I was trying to be polite for my own safety.’
‘And I was trying to be an arsehole because I wanted you gone.’
‘And what’s to stop you wanting me gone again?’ I ask. But what I mean is:Would you stop them? If they tried to take me back?
But how could I possibly expect that?
Hades pauses for a moment while he thinks before nodding slowly. By the Fates, there’s something irresistible in that little action. He looks so contemplative, the sharp edges of his jaw accentuated by the movement, his slight frown etching lines into his skin. I’m surrounded by the most beautiful marble structure in the universe but none of it means anything in comparison to the way he looks when he’s thinking.
‘Very well then,’ he says, emboldened. ‘If that’s the price of your trust. I thought if I could frustrate you into breaking xenia, you’d be gone before you could discover certain things.’
‘Your secrets?’ I ask. ‘The ones Styx mentioned?’
He nods. ‘I’ll tell you them. If you know what I’m keeping hidden then you don’t have to fear me wanting you gone before you can find out. You can relax. My secrets for your peace – that feels like a worthy trade.’
‘You don’t have to do that.’
