‘You can ask me anything, Persephone.’ He’s looking at me so intently I feel trapped by his gaze. ‘I just might not always answer.’
I nod.
‘The war,’ he says simply. ‘The war is probably the answer to every question you have about me. It’s why nothing I tried with the mortals worked – I couldn’t go near all those horrific memories of theirs. It’s why I briefly tried drinking. I wanted to forget everything that happened, everything I went through and everything I did … not that it worked. All it did was make the nightmares worse.’
I go to say something but he steels himself and keeps going. ‘You’ve heard the rumours, I’m sure. Before the final battle – or the “uprising”, as Zeus has labelled it – I believe I was known as “the biggest mistake Zeus ever made”. Which is hardly a surprise – I’m not exactly made for a battlefield. The whispers of “How could he give a realm to a child?” soon became “How could he give a realm to a boy who flinches at the sight of blood and holds a sword like he’s afraid of it?”. On the cusp of adolescence, the others couldn’t wait to get on to the battlefield. But I dreaded it, almost like I knew it would scar me in the way it eventually did.’ He laughs a little ruefully. ‘A life spent training for war and the reality of it still fractured me.’
‘Hades –’
‘Anyway,’ he continues, ‘I found other ways to distract myself from my own head. A dozen other ways, it turns out. The memories aren’t such a struggle when I’m lost in a project. So I suppose the war is also why I like keeping myself busy.’
It’s a deep conversation for so early in the morning and for a hangover this bad.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say.
‘What for?’ He scowls, pulling his gaze from the distance to me.
‘That you went through that.’
Hades snorts. ‘That’s a first. Zeus wants to pretend we all nobly and valiantly charged to battle the threat of the Titans.’
‘Didn’t you?’ After all, what else was it?
Hades contemplates the question. ‘The Titans were hideous creatures – not all of them, obviously, not the ones who fought on our side. But the things they did … Kronos killing those who disagreed with him and eating their children in case they grew up to claim revenge? It barely scratches the surface of the things the Titans did. I suppose fighting them was noble and valiant. I’m sure you’ve worked out by now that I didn’t actually charge the battlefield with the undead.’
‘An illusion.’
‘Exactly. Enough smoke and hellfire and people will believe you actually have the stomach to kill. Although I did that too … hence the nightmares. Anyway, a big-enough army of the undead and even the Titans will drop their swords and surrender. Everyone finally believed I was worthy of the power Zeus had given me, and it was a lie.’
‘It was clever. And brave.’ And difficult – how much power does he hold that he can create an illusion so large? A meadow sometimes takes me days.
‘It was a stupid risk that I was lucky didn’t get me killed. At the time it just felt desperate. I’m not sure you can make a noble choice when you don’t have another option. The others were so hungry for war and vengeance that they’re still seeking it out with the mortals. I wasn’t – I fought because I had no other choice.’
‘Kronos did eat you,’ I point out, trying to bring some levity to the conversation.
‘He did.’ Hades manages a weak smile.
‘Have you … that is, does Styx know this?’
‘No,’ he says quietly. ‘She knows I was rather terrible at all the training but even she believes I won it with brute force. I think she suspects I’ve never quite recovered – the servants have sworn to keep my secrets, after all. That includes the sleepless nights and, for a few weeks, the empty wine bottles.’
‘So … you’ve never spoken about this before?’ I ask. I’m honoured, of course, but concerned. If I’m the first person he’s told then I need to react properly, to make him feel supported. Rivers of Hell, what if I’ve already done something wrong?
‘I’d really rather not talk about it at all,’ he says. ‘There’s a reason I prefer to be distracted.’
I nod. I can do that. It is such a huge thing to confess – I don’t want to push him too far all at once. ‘Well, that’s good, because someone has spent a lot of time telling me I’m a distraction.’
Hades smiles but his eyes are distant and I wonder what it is he’s seeing. Nothing good, if the scowl etched into his forehead is any indication.
‘If you don’t want to talk about the war can we talk about how atrocious your singing voice is? Because my ears may never recover.’
The glint in his eyes returns as he snaps back to me. ‘That’s hardly my fault. You were providing appalling backing on the lyre. I don’t recall even your mother being able to lie about your instrumental talents and she managed perfectly well with everything else.’
‘Bringing my mother into this is below the belt.’
‘You turn down my proposal and then wish to discuss what lies below the belt …’ He shakes his head, then winces. If his headache is anything like mine, I imagine it’s not happy with such jarring movement. ‘My, my – I never thought you could be so cruel.’
‘Are you going to bring your proposal up at every possible second?’
