I shrug. ‘I’m an innocent party here.’
And then we’re laughing again, so much that we nearly miss Hermes’ response.
‘I believe it was mutual.’
‘This is ridiculous,’ Zeus snarls. ‘I’m not wasting another second discussing this when I could be takingKoreback and wringing Hades’ neck.’
‘My wine store was not made for Zeus drinking games,’ Hades says as he refills our glasses.
‘Did you see how drunk the Erinyes were? This is hardly a dent,’ I protest.
‘If they continue like this we might drain the whole cellar.’
‘Then I’ll grow some grapes. Now shush, we’re missing the show.’
There’s another quick-fire argument between my parents: Father screaming that he will wrench me from the Underworld and Mother saying that no one wants me back more than she does but they have to be more subtle than that or it will be war.
‘There’s no need for all that,’ Hermes says calmly.
‘He took my daughter,’ Mother says, eliciting another sip from both of us. ‘He has done unspeakable things to her –’
‘If it helps, I truly do not believe he has.’ Hermes wrinkles his nose. ‘Honestly, this is the first thing he’s ever done to suggest he’s anything but a law-abiding, boring prick.’
Hades arches an eyebrow. ‘It seems words are to be had with my court messenger.’
I’m too busy laughing to reply. After all, it was that very reputation that had me risking the leap to Hell.
‘And did he say that?’ Mother asks. ‘Why else would he take her?’
‘Her artistic talents?’ Hermes suggests.
‘Zeus, do feel free to wipe your son from this realm at your earliest opportunity,’ Mother says calmly.
Hermes gives her a withering look. ‘Surely it’s not been so long since the war that you’re incapable of doing it yourself?’
‘Boy.’ Zeus’s voice is deadly as he lifts his lightning bolt.
Hermes raises his hands in surrender.
‘They announced their engagement tonight,’ he says.
‘What?’ Mother asks, hand on her heart. ‘She can’t marry him. She …’
‘Has lost all other prospects.’ Hermes shrugs. ‘And she asked me to tell you that she could not hope for a better match.’
‘She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She’s just a girl,’ Mother says.
‘She was,’ Hermes says. ‘As I say, she is “little girl” no longer.’
‘That bastard,’ Zeus growls. ‘He did not even have the decency to vie for her hand with the others.’
‘Perhaps he knew you’d never give it,’ Hermes suggests.
‘If he thinks this will stop me from throttling him then he is very much mistaken.’
‘He actually made a suggestion,’ Hermes says as we down yet another drink. ‘He offered you the opportunity to claim ownership for what happened.’
Zeus sputters and I struggle not to choke on the wine.
