The warm air rippled, or perhaps it was my vision. Rot mingled with the sea air, and I squinted through the tangle of masts and rope, through the crowds of milling dockworkers and ships’ crews, trying to see out into the wide, twinkling bay. My sight was bleary, my body still consumed by the nepenthe-laced pain in my middle, but I managed with Lachlan’s help.
We turned at the end of the first dock, where I could just spot Theo’s massive ship gliding past the breakwaters, taking our besthope of getting to Agatha out to sea. I fought to think of only her, to focus on moving my body faster so that I might reach her, but my mind was dragged back to Nemea’s spectral imprint. Those sword-tip eyes. That voice that had been as terrifying at a whisper as it had been at a shout. I remembered what it had felt like when I’d forced his sword through his throat. My determination began to grind down to dust.
Lachlan tugged me on by the arm, single-minded. “Faster, Imogen.”
I made a half-frustrated, half-anguished sound as I tried to keep apace, but my head began to float. My wound felt like it had caught fire. “We missed the ship.” My legs slowed. “It’s gone.”
“We’ll take a boat,” Lachlan said, panicked. “You can use your power to catch us up.”
Use my power.My nerves recoiled. That was not part of the plan. The thought of using my power at all, even if just to coax a current, was terrifying and dangerous considering how easily Eusia could access my lure.
I shook my head and mumbled, “Not near Theodore.”
Lachlan’s brows dove. “What?”
I’d been resolute, but seeing Nemea and thinking of how terribly I could hurt Theodore was enough to stop me. “I can’t use my power anywhere near him. I won’t.”
Lachlan halted dead in his tracks. He let go of me so abruptly that I sucked in a gasp at the sensation of having to suddenly support my own weight. “That’s the Godsdamned thing about you, Imogen.”
Anger sparked, but I stood motionless, keeping a hold on myself. “What is?”
“You’re unstoppable until it’s too hard. You barrel through, unthinking, causing chaos, until your fear or your shortsightedness has a chance to catch up and cut you off at the knees.”
It was a jab to the gut. “That’s not fair—you don’t know me.”
“No, thankfully, but I get the gist.” His throat worked as he stared out at Theodore’s ship, now well past the breakwaters. “I’d thought maybe you’d be capable ofsomeself-control, but apparently not, if you’re willing to give up going after Agatha so easily.”
“Don’t you dare—”
He held up a hand. “No, I commend you for looking out for Theonow.But what about when you wanted to escape Seraf and you convinced him to marry you? Or how about when you said you’d take the severing draught but chose to indulge in your blood bond far longer than you should have?”
The sea air fed my anger until it became a blaze, until I felt that too-familiar plucking in my chest. My panic ratcheted. It was one too many sensations for my body to bear. I reached out to lean against the stack of crates beside me, forcing calming breaths. “You don’t understand the danger—”
“Do you understand what dangerIam bringing upon myself? Escaping a proscribed criminal from the palace, bringing you with me as I try to board and commandeer a ship I am not supposed to be on… I’m committing treason. A killable offense. For Agatha. Perhaps you couldtryto keep a hold on your instincts in the meantime.”
“I nearly killed you and—”
“And youdidn’t.” He scraped an agitated hand through his short hair. “Gods, Ligea didn’t walk around accidentally killing people!”
I bit into my tongue, stopping myself from screaming that I was not and never would be anything like my mother. And now, things were worse. Now, if I lost a hold on myself and sent out a silent lure, Eusia would seize it.
Lachlan stared out at Theodore’s ship for a long, tense moment, and then he untied Nemea’s battered crown from his belt. “What’s this?”
I glared at that scratched and dented circlet of gold and considered telling him then and there that my power was corrupted, just to shut him up. Just to see the fury in his eyes shift to fear so that I might feel less afraid, but I swallowed back the impulse. “It’s Nemea’s crown.”
He tossed it into the air and caught it again. “Nemea’s crown. Yourfather’scrown.” He’d regained plenty of his bravado, but I didn’t miss the strain of concern ringing his eyes as he watched me, hunched and breathing heavily. “You claim you are a queen, clinging to this shitty thing as proof, but you’re doing nothing to act like one. Seraf is without a ruler, and they don’t know it yet. Gods, I didn’t even know Nemea had died until you told me. They’ll be looking for him soon, and they’ll assume Varya captured or executed him and thenwewill all pay, yet again, for your actions.” He looked at Nemea’s crown with a scowl. “It’s time you did your duty. For better or worse, you’re the only one who can help any of us.”
I gave an ironic huff. “Time I did my duty…”
I might have laughed at the idea of being back here, debating the muddled space between duty and desire, had I not felt so hollow. Revolt tightened my body at the prospect of losing the hope of a life of my own, but I realized now it was already gone. Lachlan was right. It was time. I could not bear the pain of losing Agatha too, of watching whole kingdoms crumble, of watching all of Leucosia slowly slip under Eusia’s control.
A shot of hot pain fell through me as I turned my head to look out toward Theodore’s ship. Now its sails were bloated by the wind, and a new resolve began to grow in me. I could do this. I could get us onto that ship and not harm Theodore. I would close myself up like one would a damaged hull. With joiners. With pitch. I would become impermeable, inviolable, just like my mother. Just as Theodore had been when I’d met him.
And he—and all of Leucosia—would remain safe for it.
I gave a sharp nod. “I’ll get us to the ship. But I’ll need a quill and parchment first.”
Approval narrowed Lachlan’s gaze. He scanned the ships before us as if he searched for one in specific. When he finally found it, far down the line of the adjacent docking, he started toward it in a hurry. “Keep up,” he called over his shoulder.
