But Leena hadn’t said a word about it.
“Leena—”
“I need to bathe.” She spun on her heels, heading straight for the bathroom. “I need to burn every memory of him from my skin.”
Rubbing my neck, I followed behind her. The moment she set foot in the room, water sparked to life. Cascading streams dripped from the ceiling like rainfall, snaking between slabs of marble, and steam curled along the edges of the floor-length mirror stretching along the far wall.
Leena peeled off her blouse and bralette, but her trembling fingers hesitated at the waistband of her pants. I caught the glimmer of a tear escaping down her cheek as she touched her chin to her shoulder. In one swift movement, she dropped her pants and underwear and stepped into the waterfall.
A knife stabbed my lungs.
Her legs.
She stood trembling with her back to me as if she were afraid to see my reaction.
I stripped and stepped into the water beside her before dropping to my knees. She turned at the touch of my hands, eyes wide and full, and wrapped her arms around her chest as if to hold herself together. Pain scraped along the back of my throat. With deliberate slowness, I placed a soft kiss on the first bone-white scar I saw.
She let out a ragged whisper. “Noc.”
Another kiss. “I’m not done.” Running my fingers across the expanse of her legs, I felt for every hidden lip of scar tissue, and promised to love her for the rest of eternity with each kiss.
When her trembling faded, I moved my hands upward to her hips and stood. She pressed her forehead to my chest and wrapped her arms around me. For a while, we simply held each other, and I kneaded soft circles down her spine.
“Want to tell me what you’re thinking?” I asked.
Tilting her face upward, she took a steady breath. “I’m thinking that I love you. That I’m a terrible person because I’m so glad Onyx didn’t make it to you. I’m not sure how to forgive myself for Calem. For any of this. And”—her voice cracked, and she speared her lower lip with her teeth—“I’m thinking I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to look at my own skin again without thinking of Wynn.”
Moving my hands to cup her face, I placed a faint kiss on her lips. “Four things. First, I love you, too.” I paused a moment to let those words sink in, to revel in being able tosaythem so openly. “Second, you’re not a terrible person. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, so don’t think you’re the only one who would protect the one you love at the cost of everything else. Third, if you don’t learn to forgive yourself for Calem, he’ll pester you for the rest of your damn life. Do you really want that?”
She laughed, closing her eyes and tipping her head upward into the water. The sound didn’t hold its usual warmth, but it was still the most beautiful thing I’d heard in days.
Palming the back of her neck, I stroked her jaw with my thumb. “And finally, each morning for the rest of your life, I will kiss every scar to show you that nothing in this world could make you any less beautiful in my eyes. Or less of a fighter.” I angled her face toward mine so she could see the truth in my gaze. “Don’t think of who gave them to you. Think of how strong you are because you survived. You broke free.”
Tears welled and rolled down her cheeks. With one hand, she traced the angles of my face, lingering on the scar on my cheekbone. My chest cracked open wide, and I swore I could feel a tether surging between us.
Shuddering, I dug my fingers into the flesh of her hips. She was my everything. And I was finally able to acknowledge my love. Express it.
“You’re real, right?” she whispered, tracing my face with light fingers. “This isn’t a dream?”
“I’m real. I’m here.”
A wet sob ratcheted through her chest, and she pressed her lips to mine. “I missed you. Gods, Noc. It was so hard. I didn’t…I didn’t know if I’d make it out alive.”
My fingers worked their way through her hair, massaging her scalp. “I missed you, too. I was a wreck. I had no way of proving to you that I didn’t know Winnow would take you as payment. And after everything you’d told me about Gyss…I should’ve listened. I’m so sorry, Leena.”
“I believe you.” She leaned her head into my hands, and some of the tension in her shoulders eased. “And you’re right—you should’ve listened.” She glanced up at me, the hint of a smile teasing her lips.
Just that glimmer of her old self broke me, and I slanted my mouth across hers. “Forgive me?”
“Always.” She trailed kisses along my neck, dug her hands into my back. “What kind ofanam-carawould I be if I didn’t?”
The pattering of the water falling around us dulled in the wake of her words. Cupping her face in my hands, I begged her to meet my gaze. “Tell me what that means for Charmers.”
“It means I’ve chosen you. And I will continue to choose you every day of my life, through the good and the bad, because I can’t imagine loving anyone else but you.” Her eyes were full. Shining. “For Charmers, no bond is more cherished. It’s more revered and protected even than the connection we share with our beasts.”
Slowly, I brushed my knuckles over her cheek. She was so light. Pure. I couldn’t believe she’d honored me with her love. I didn’t seem worthy of such devotion, but I would spend my life trying to be the man she thought I was. I would devote myself to her like she did to me, because choosing her was the easiest decision I’d ever been faced with.
We still had so much to discuss, so much tolearnabout each other, but for perhaps the first time in decades, I wasn’t afraid.
