His jaw ticked. “You almost died.” Calem, Kost, and Oz slowly picked themselves up, brushing dirt off their clothes as they walked toward us.
“No, I didn’t.” I leaned into the side of my beast, ignoring the sharp stab of pain. “But if I don’t get some of those bandages we packed, we might have a different story.”
“You’re impossible!” The blood blades quivered before exploding in a sudden burst of rain. “Do you have any idea what that was like?”
I cringed more from his words than the pain in my shoulder. “Noc, calm down. Really, I’m fine.”
“Well, thank the fucking gods for that.” Without another word he stormed off into the jungle. Shadows curled around him, licking his rigid frame and pulling him away into darkness.
My heart ached at the sight. I didn’t know what to make of this. Why had he reacted so strongly? “I’m sorry. I didn’t think he would stay put if I asked.”
“You’re probably right.” Kost braided his gloved fingers together. Hands tense, it was as if he did it to stop himself from throttling me. “Doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do.”
“I’ll go after him.” Calem followed Noc into the dark.
“You go, too.” Kost tilted his head toward Oz. “Calem could accidentally set Noc off with one wrong remark, and that’s the last thing we want right now.” He brought his rigid stare back to me. “We’ll meet up with you shortly.”
Oz teetered in place, worry lancing his expression. “All right, but hurry.” Dark tendrils consumed him, and he disappeared.
Kost knelt beside me, and my beast let out a low warning growl. Unmoved, Kost lifted one brow. “I’m not interested in hurting her.” The Myad huffed before shaking out his feathered mane.
“He’s protective. It will take time,” I said. Looking past Kost, I spied the abandoned bag on the edge of the jungle. “Bandages?”
“Felicks will seal it, but the puncture wound is deep. We should clean it first.” He stood and retreated to the bag to riffle through its contents. After securing a clear glass bottle and a cloth, he returned. “Alcohol. Not the good kind.”
“Kost…” I fumbled over words.
“Just tell me why.” His words were brittle. With deft fingers, he unstopped the bottle and tucked the end of the rag into the liquid. Turned it upside down for a beat.
“Why what?”
He clenched his teeth. “Why you faced this danger alone.”
“Because I had to. The taming required—”
“That’s bullshit.” He leveled me with a glare at the same time he pressed the rag to my wound. I yelped at the sudden sting, and the Myad growled. With my free hand, I stroked the side of my beast’s face. He settled onto his haunches and watched, his wary gaze trained on Kost.
“How is that bullshit? I had to approach him alone. There was no other way.”
Kost dug the cloth in deeper, and I screwed my eyes shut—only opened them when his seething words hurt worse than the burn. “Because you could havetoldus. You’re supposed to trust us.”
“Trust you? Just the other day you told me you hated me.” Hurt sat heavily on my chest.
“I hate that youfit. I don’t hate you.” The pressure on my wound lessened, and with it, the sharp edge of his glare. “I wanted it to be me. But you can’t jam the wrong piece into the picture if it’s not meant to be there.”
My response died. I struggled with his confession, uncertain how to answer. What could I even say?I’m sorry?It felt so hollow and meaningless in comparison to the love behind his words. He continued speaking anyway, voice painfully low.
“That’s why I’m so angry. Because despite myself I do care, and you just put Noc—put all of us—through a terrible ordeal. You stripped him of his ability to choose. To react. Toprotect. You showed him that you couldn’t trust him to listen or put your needs and wants first. When in reality, all he ever does is put everyone else’s needs and wants before his own.”
I swallowed. Hard. “I didn’t think… I didn’t think he cared.”
The fight left Kost’s eyes, and he snorted. “He cares too much. He just never shows it.” Removing the rag, he inspected my injury. Traded the cloth for the bottle and doused the whole area in alcohol.
Tears stung my eyes. “How can you love someone who won’t let himself love you back?”
Kost stilled, considered me. He pressed the rag back to my skin, mopping up excess liquid. “It’s safer to love someone who’ll never have the opportunity to break your heart.”
My spine bowed at the weight of his words. “That’s so…tragic.”
