I hooked my hands behind his neck. “Not good. Someone is distracting me.”
His grin deepened. “Breaks are allowed.”
“Good, because my brain can’t handle much more of this.” I gestured to the rows of books cocooning us in silence.
“Oh?” His fingers teased the hem of my cashmere sweater, finding bare skin along my midriff. “I suppose I can provide you with a more physical activity. That is, if you’re willing to spend some time with your pair bond.”
Pair bond.The Wilheimian term foranam-cara, and the very thing I should have called him in front of Dez. Pulling out of Noc’s embrace, I wrapped my arms around my stomach. “Noc, I’m sorry.”
He dropped his hands to his sides. “For?”
“You’re not my partner. You’re myanam-cara. My pair bond. I wasn’t prepared for today, and I didn’t react well.” Thickness swelled in my throat, and I swallowed. Raising my eyes to meet his, I prayed he could read every ounce of love I had for him in my gaze. “I love you. I’m not afraid to say it or ashamed to be with you. No one understands me like you do. No one can look at all my broken pieces and see how they’re supposed to fit back together. No one would even dare to try. But you do. Every day. And I—”
Noc closed the distance between us and cupped his hands on either side of my face. He slanted his lips across mine and captured my words, pouring nothing but love and devotion back into me.
“Enough.” He spoke softly against my lips. “I should be apologizing, not you. This oath… The way I have been behaving…”
I gripped his waist and held him close. “What’s it like?”
“Bad. Lately, I’ve been having—” His words died on a strangled grunt. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “Sorry.”
“That’s all right. You were saying?”
“I’ve been having—”
Again, he abruptly cut off, words stifled by a garbled noise at the back of his throat. He swallowed thickly. Tried again to speak, but was met with the same strange reaction. The veins along his neck bulged beneath reddening skin.
“Noc? What’s going on?” I moved toward him and placed my hands on his chest.
For a moment, all he did was stare right through me, as if I weren’t even there. Eyes tight. Lips parting for a fraction of a moment only to seal again. He shook his head once, then let out a long, shuddering breath.
“It’s the oath.”
A dull ringing sounded in my ears. We were running out of time. “What’s happening?”
He hesitated, as if weighing every word before deciding to speak it. “The words won’t come. It’s as if I can’t…” His voice trailed off, going raspy, and then he rubbed his throat. “I don’t feel like I’m in control. Not always.”
“How can I help?” With the removal of his decades-old curse, cast on him by a priestess from his old life, he was able to let loose. Feel freely. Love wholly. But he would never forget what it was like to hold himself in check. Control was a skill he’d perfected over decades. If he was losing it now…
“I can handle it.” He tilted my chin up and sighed. Light fingers danced across my collarbone, and he offered me a soft smile.
“You don’t have to face this alone.” His touch was soothing, but not enough to chase away the uncertainty brewing in my gut.
He placed a kiss on my cheek. “I’m not alone. I have Cruor. I have my family. And most importantly, I have you.” His hands trailed along my back and teased the waistline of my loose-fitting breeches.
Clearly, he wasn’t as concerned with his inability to speak as I was. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
He raised a playful brow. “For a moment, let me think about something other than the problems we’re facing. Please.” With ease, he slipped beneath the fabric to cup my ass.
A shiver of pleasure raced through me. “Fine. Just remember, I’m here for you. You’ll always have me.” And he would. I’d never stop fighting for him, helping him. Loving him. I needed him to believe that with every fiber of my being, because if his control really was slipping, then I would be his rock.
He groaned and hoisted me up, knocking over a few books in the process. I giggled, and he pressed a long finger against my lips. Which I promptly sucked into my mouth. Dark eyes flashing, he devoured me with a single glance. He carried me across the room, pressing me hard against yet another bookshelf.
Nicking the soft skin of my neck with his teeth, he covered me in passionate kisses as he fumbled through random books. Tome after tome fell to the floor until his fingers snagged a muted-yellow binding, and the book partially gave way with a heavy click. The bookshelf at my back swung inward, and he carried me into his private study.
The door groaned to a close behind him. Gravelly and thick, his whispered words wreaked delicious havoc on my senses. “Never has there been a better use for that door.”
“Agreed.”
