“She needs to go.” Amira’s voice was soft. Pleading.
Kill.
Something hard crashed through my gut. “She?”
“She is the last one. She was at death’s door, and the curse feels robbed. If you give back what you stole, then we’ll all find peace.” Bowen pressed his forehead against my temple, his breath hot on my neck.
Noc.Leena’s voice reverberated through my mind. Lilac and vanilla filled my senses, chasing away the tantalizing mix of Amira and Bowen.
“You could raise her.” Amira’s words were a tempting offer I didn’t even want to acknowledge, and yet how could I not? An eternal life with the woman I loved? The idea sank deeper than it should’ve, and the red haze thickened.
“We’ve seen her thoughts. Her deepest desires,” Bowen whispered. “She wants to walk with the shadows.”
“No.” My voice was weak, unconvincing. Shecouldn’twant that. Could she? I’d only brought it up once in passing since our return from Hireath, and she hadn’t acknowledged it. Her beasts… What would happen to them?
“Give her what she wants, and then we’ll all be free,” Amira said.
No. I can’t do what they’re asking. I can’t kill, Leena. I could never—
“Shh. It will be all right.”
I couldn’t tell who had spoken. Their forms were red, their voices melded, their hearts beating as one.
“Noc.”
I moaned. “I can’t.”
“Noc!” Two delicate hands cupped my face. A thumb worked over the trail of my scar. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
Brilliant rosewood light doused the maelstrom of red, and there she was. Leena. Wide hazel eyes stricken with fear. Rich-brown streaks of windswept hair tangled around the shape of her face. Bow-like lips parted. Her very breath battered against me.
Control.Shadows exploded outward and blanketed our room in a riot of onyx and charcoal, tendrils slithering over one another like snakes in search of the vile red that had previously claimed my mind. I grabbed Leena and pulled her close. Buried my nose in the crown of her hair and inhaled her familiar scent. She was real. Tangible. Not a ghost or a memory, but myanam-cara. My pulse slowly shifted back toward normal.
Quaking hands pressed firm against my back, and her voice broke. “Are you with me?”
“I’m here.”
I felt her exhale, and her body slackened. “You were just standing here, staring at nothing. I couldn’t reach you.”
Shadows licked our bodies and kept us close. “You can always reach me. I heard you.”
Tilting her chin up, she studied my face. “What happened?”
“It’s these damn—” My voice cut off as if someone had wrapped their fingers tight around my throat. An ugly cough sputtered from somewhere deep in my chest, and I turned away.
If I couldn’t physically tell her about the danger I posed, then she wouldn’t know to leave. To keep her distance. It was up to me to keep her safe, and yet she was the only thing that seemed to stave off the madness. She grounded me, and while being near me put her in harm’s way, it also made it easier for me to think. Breathe. I could rationalize in her presence.
Her presence kept me sane.
My presence put her in danger.
No matter where we turned, the oath was winning.
With a thick swallow, I chose my words carefully. “The oath. It’s worse when you’re gone.” She needed to be protected at all costs. For both our sakes.
I’d never let anything happen to her. I’d never… A shudder passed through me. I wouldneverfall prey to the delusion that she needed to be murdered in order for Amira and Bowen to find peace. Killing her would be like killing them all over again.
And yet a glimmer of red still loitered in my peripheral vision, trying to take root without care for logic.
