“Are you?” He chuckled. Leaning back on his hands, he stared up at the afternoon sky.
“Not really, but it felt like the right thing to say.” Pushing myself up, I scooted into a sitting position a safe distance away from him, where he was out of reach and where I could easily keep my hands to myself. The emotions raging inside me subsided, and I groaned as I pinched my nose.
Rorik blew out a heavy sigh. “This is my fault. I wasn’t paying attention to our bond, and I let some of my emotions slip through. You’re frustrated, so my frustration simply amplified yours.”
“That was your frustration?” I rested my chin on my shoulder as I stared at him. “You’re a fucking mess if you’re that upset all the time.”
“I know.” His smile was stilted. “You can blame yourself for that, though.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course, because it’s so immeasurably difficult to have me around.”
“Yes.”
My nails dug into my knees. “This is going nowhere. You still refuse to help, yet you can find it in your heart to spend time with Ossanna. Is she trying to pawn Issa off on you like she did with Orin, or does she want you for herself?”
Rorik winced. “It’s complicated.”
“Is it? It’s not like we have anything between us. Orin was going to do the same thing, despite claiming to love me.” The words tasted like ash on my tongue, and I looked away to avoid the weight of Rorik’s gaze. “I’m sorry you had to heartbond with me out of some perceived fealty after I broke your family’s vow. I’ll be dead soon anyway, and then you can go about your merry days with her.”
A rumble of discontent came from him, but I refused to stop. “I’m going to do this with or without you. You can make it easy for me, or you can make it hard. All I’m asking for is the chance to do what I want with my last bit of time on this gods-forsaken earth.”
Tension filled the space between us as a deep, pregnant silence took over. I felt his stare worm into me, and it grew heavier, more damning, with every passing breath. I drilled my fingers against my legs until finally I turned. Fire burned in his eyes, and the muscles along his neck strained tight against his skin. The vein near his temple flared, and there was so much hanging unsaid between us that I nearly broke down and closed my eyes. I couldn’t stand the way he was looking at me. Like I was some burden he’d been forced to carry.
I carry the weight of unspoken burdens in my bones.
He’d said that to me one night, before I understood the truth of his predicament and how Orin essentially controlled him. I never wanted to be like that. I didn’t want to be the reason Rorik felt forced to do anything.
Heat pricked at the backs of my eyes. “Never mind. Forget I said anything. I’ll just—”
“Fine.” The word was so strained, so heavy, it scraped through the air. “I’ll help you.”
“Forget it.” Now that he was offering, I couldn’t bear to take it. It felt wrong somehow, stripping this tiny piece of self-control he’d gained, this choice he’d finally made for himself.
“Don’t.” He inched toward me. “Gods-dammit, Edira, do you ever think of yourself first?”
I blinked. “What?”
“For fuck’s sake.” He blew out a breath and ran his hand through his hair. “You say you’re going to do this regardless, because that’s your choice. Fine. This ismychoice.” I opened my mouth to argue, but he pressed his finger to my lips to stop the words from spilling out. “But just know that I’ll fight you every fucking step of the way in the hopes that you change your mind andrun.” He watched me with an intensity that made my lungs stop working altogether. After a long moment, he let his finger fall away, leaving behind a burn on my lips.
“I think you thrive on being difficult,” I finally managed to say.
“Maybe,” he mused. He turned his body so he faced me directly. “Place your hands in mine.”
Gingerly, I did as he asked. His lips quirked as his thumbs teased the center of my palms. Warmth spilled from his touch, and while I knew it was just body heat pooling between us, a flicker of desire stirred in my chest.
“Close your eyes,” he said.
I frowned. “After you just pinned me to the ground?”
His grin sharpened. “I can do it again if you’d like.”
Heat flamed in my cheeks, and I slammed my eyes closed. “Just tell me what to do.”
“What a tantalizing offer,” he purred. I bared my teeth at him, and he laughed. “Just picture our bond.”
Finding it had never been hard. It was impossible not to search for it every time I rummaged through my consciousness. It was a beautiful, sparkling thing that yearned to be seen. Touched.Acknowledged.It bloomed to life in my mind with ease, and my breath naturally fell into a slower cadence as I waited for Rorik’s guidance. Memories of our past skated through my mind. How many times had we done exactly this? Sat together and simply breathed? It felt so natural to be doing it again, and a pleasing weightlessness filled me to the brim.
“Good,” Rorik murmured. “It’s one thing to wear a mask on your face, but an entirely different thing to mask your truest emotions. Usually by the time they bloom to the surface, they’re a bit diluted and easier to manage. I forget, as a mortal, this intimate knowledge of your emotional being is often lost on you.”
