Lydia was right. Our heartbond was full of wild, unfettered magic that sang of heat and desire. Andpower. I’d never felt more alive, more in control, and yet somehow out of control at the same time. I needed Rorik with a ferocity that couldn’t be explained.
My hands went to the buttons of his shirt, but he caught them with ease. “No,” he said, voice gravelly and deliciously dark.
“No?” I could barely think straight. My body was screaming, demanding that I keep him exactly where he was. He dragged his lips over my jaw, then placed a painfully gentle kiss on the corner of my mouth.
“This can’t happen again.”
“Why?” My stomach knotted itself, and my fingers went cold. I let my hands fall away and forced him to meet my stare head-on. To see all the potential hurt he was about to cause.
I knew he saw it. Felt it flickering down our tense bond. He searched my face for what felt like an eternity. But that still didn’t change his answer.
“I don’t want you to be involved in this life any more than you already are. I’ve told you from the beginning, I want you to live. You can’t do that here.” He let go of my wrists and then gently moved me off his lap. Tugging at the collar of his shirt, he stood up and looked away. “Don’t practice anymore today. We’ll pick up again tomorrow.”
Pain exploded in my chest as he walked away.
After everything I’d been through, I thought I understood all the different ways I could be hurt. But this was different. There was an undercurrent of rage that I couldn’t deny—nor did I want to. That emotion was easy to fall into, and it felt good compared with the gnawing ache Rorik had just thrust upon me. Why kiss me if he didn’t want me? Why did he do anything at all? Every time I felt like I was one step closer to understanding his motives, he’d do something like this just to keep me away. I hated him for it. But I hated myself more for thinking that I was enough for him to stay.
Nineteen
There is a vault, but it’s going to be impossible to access,” Clesian said, drink in hand. The moment he and Lydia had returned that evening, Seville, Rorik, and I met with them in the library. The others had all gone to bed, and while it saddened me that Nohr hadn’t sought me out, I knew we’d resolve things eventually. For now, I needed my mind focused on this plan. A plan that I wouldn’t dream of sharing with my brothers.
Lydia’s haggard expression matched her heartbond’s, and she took a heavy drink from her glass of wine. Gently, she slipped her free hand in Clesian’s. “It’s in Zeverin’s bedroom, and the lock is activated by his touch alone.”
“Of course it is,” Seville said with an exaggerated sigh. Sinking into the armchair nearest the fire, she crossed one leg over the other.
“Well, if I am the object of his attention, it shouldn’t be too hard to convince him to take me there,” I said. “It’s a coupling fete, so maybe—”
A resounding crack splintered the air, and my gaze riveted to the glass tumbler in Rorik’s hand. A clean break had shot through it like lightning.
“That’s out of the question.” The silken heat in his voice would’ve normally set my heart racing, but the hurt and anger still threading through my gut were excellent at squandering any desire.
“Is it now?” I folded my arms across my chest, daring him to cross the room and go toe to toe with me. “I think I am in charge of my own body and what I choose to do with it.”
“No one is saying you aren’t,” he spat as he took a solitary step in my direction. “It’s too dangerous. If you go into his quartersalone,he’ll never let you leave.”
My lips pressed together in a fine line, but before I could throw out another retort, Seville held up her hand. “As much as I hate to admit it, I’m in agreement with Rorik. You are not an Ever. You are supposed to be weak. I’ll be the one to grab the blade from the vault. And hopefully, we’ll walk out without anyone the wiser.”
“And just how do you plan on accomplishing that?” Rorik scowled. I could barely stand to look at him. Not when part of me still longed to pick up where we left off earlier on the lawns.
“An irysdrop. We have plenty of time to prepare it.” Seville shrugged. “I’ll even have Edira help me. It’s a nice trick of Fernglove magic that she should be aware of.”
When Rorik said nothing, Lydia jumped in. “It could work.”
“Let’s say all goes according to plan. You get the blade, you leave unscathed,” Clesian said as he set his now empty glass on the coffee table. “What then? Will you seek out Death immediately?”
For a moment, I said nothing. I wanted to say yes. Judging by how Rorik reacted at the sight of my threads in the cave, my time was even more finite than I realized. But fear still snaked through me. Maybe I wasn’t prepared for this. Rebellyn stood up to Death, and he fell prey to her whims because no one had ever challenged him before. Slowly, I forced myself to look at Rorik. He’d told me to live. And even if this wasn’t what he’d imagined for me—what my brothers had imagined for me—it’s what I wanted to do.
“I need to know where to look,” I said quietly.
Clesian and Lydia looked at each other, then shook their heads. Nothing. Seville lifted a single shoulder while mouthing the wordsorry. If Death’s whereabouts had truly been lost to time, then all of this was moot. A tingling sensation rooted in my chest as my thoughts began to spiral. There had to be a way. There had to... Another look at Rorik revealed that he’d gone unnaturally still.
My gaze narrowed, and I barreled down our bond and sent all the power I could muster behind my thoughts.What is it? What do you know?
He gave me a pleading look, and for the briefest of moments, my heart shuddered. But I couldn’t be stopped.Wouldn’tbe stopped.
“Edira,” Rorik said out loud, letting the softness of his voice tease my ears.
“What. Do. You. Know?” I crossed the room to stand before him and angled my chin upward so he’d be forced to look me in the eyes.
