“Think of it like pushing a muscle to the brink. For it to grow, you have to rip it, so when it heals, it adds bulk and strength,” he’d said. I’d merely groaned from my back while staring up at the leaves of the forest, my breath hitting hard and fast.
When I hit my limit, he’d swap over to teaching me the basics of knife handling.
“You’re entirely too clumsy. Grip the handle tighter, with purpose. There’s no need for flourishes; you just need one swift move to bring him to his knees,” Rorik had said. While I’d rolled my eyes at his note about my inept and bumbling fingers, he was right. There wasn’t time to train for an actual knife fight, and I’d likely have only one chance to drive the blade into Death’s chest.
On and on we went, to the point where I thought Rorik might’ve been right about pushing myself too hard. My bones ached. My head throbbed. There seemed to be a permanent cool sweat dampening the collars of my blouses. But I refused to let that slow me down. Rorik grimaced whenever he noticed the lingering effects and would stop fighting me. As for my brothers... Nohr’s attitude had softened with time, and while he still hadn’t outright apologized, he was at least speaking to me again. If he were to find out that I was straining too hard, though, he’d dig in his heels just like before.
Which was why I refused to tell him or Noam and Lysa about my plan to confront Death. Fortunately, the Ferngloves complied with my wish and kept their mouths shut. When the morning of the fete came, the entire family was waiting in the foyer to send us off. Amalyss and Tasia rushed toward me first, and while I could sense the worry and concern in their tone, there was also a curiosity that couldn’t be squelched.
“Tell us everything that happens,” Tasia said with an exaggerated eyebrow waggle.
“Spare no details. If you do, I’ll...” Amalyss chewed on the inside of her cheek. Her eyes lit up. “I’ll trick you into an evervow again and force you to tell us anyway.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m not there to have fun, but I promise I’ll tell you about everything I see.”
I gave them each a one-armed hug, and then Lydia approached us with an amused smile. “Go on, let her go already.” The girls complied, strolling back to their father’s side while whispering beneath their breath about the unfairness of being left behind from a coupling fete when they were rightfully of age. They even roped Lysa into their conversation, and her pale skin tinged a bright red as the girls started detailing the purpose behind the fete. Lydia just rolled her eyes.
“Be careful,” Lydia said. She gripped my hands in hers. “Clesian and I will keep your family safe. I’d vow it to you, if you’d let me.”
My chest tightened at her offer, but I shook my head. “I trust your word, Lydia. That’s good enough for me.” Months ago, I would’ve lunged at the opportunity for an evervow; it was a magical promise that had serious ramifications if reneged. That type of security was something I once needed to feel safe within these halls, but now these immortals were my family, too. I trusted them.
Lydia hugged me tightly and then let go, making way for my brothers.
“This better not be the last time we see you,” Noam said as he pressed me against his chest. One arm instinctively went around his waist while I reached for Nohr with the other. He melted into his usual place, and I hugged them both.
Guilt sat heavy in my gut. “It won’t be.”
“Good.” Noam pressed his nose to the crown of my hair. “I want you to take the longest vacation of your life when you get back. A permanent one.”
A wayward tear streaked down my cheek. I wiped it against Noam’s shirt before anyone could notice. “Okay. I can do that.”
“Can you?” He said so much with his pointed look that all I could do was swallow. After a moment, he gave me another squeeze and then released me. Already he was maneuvering his way back to Lysa, and I hoped he was able to successfully pry her away from what appeared to be a very uncomfortable conversation for her delicate ears.
“Why does this goodbye feel more real than any other one we’ve said?” Nohr asked. He still hadn’t let go, and his warm palm was firm against my back.
My chest threatened to cave in on itself. “Because I’m going someplace dangerous.”
“You’ve always run into danger,” Nohr said with a sigh. “Edira... I’m sorry. For the other morning.”
“It’s okay,” I murmured. “I’m sorry, too.”
“I just... I know they’re your family, too. I just felt like I was losing you, and I wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready.” His grip on me tightened, and he blew out a shaky breath. “But I’m glad you’re not alone. At least this time you have that prick to protect you.” He glowered at Rorik, who’d been waiting just on the other side of the open doors with his back to the courtyard. His flinty gaze never met mine, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d been watching me the entire time.
“He’s... difficult,” I muttered. “But he will keep me safe.”
For a beat, Nohr said nothing, and then the words slowly tumbled from his lips, as if he had to pry them from his mind with far too much force. “I get it, Edira. I get why you chose him. I didn’t at first, but just being here these few days and seeing how he is... how he watches over you... I get it.”
Whatever he saw must have been before our kiss. “There’s nothing between us.”
Nohr pulled out of my hug and shook his head. “Are you trying to convince yourself or him? Listen, just say the word. If you want to run away right now, we can leave. Gods, I think Rorik would even let us. Makes me hate him a little less.”
The sad part was Nohr was right. Rorik would celebrate if we waltzed through those doors and promised never to return. I gave Nohr a tired look, then squeezed his hand one more time for good measure. “Thanks for having my back.”
“Always.” He pulled me in for another quick hug. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
“All right, all right. We’re coming back, you do know that, right?” Seville sauntered over and gently tugged on my wrist. “But there is etiquette to consider with these things, so we really must be going.”
