“I never asked for it.” He looked away, refusing to meet my stare. “When we get back to Fernglove, I’m going to set you and your brothers up with a carriage and funds to start a new life somewhere else. It isn’t safe in Willowfell anymore. Not until I deal with Zeverin.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I seethed.
“Why?” he drawled in that feigned, disinterested voice I loathed so much. And in that moment, I couldn’t keep it in. All the emotions I’d felt for him, everything I’d been trying to ignore. I knocked down the wall hiding my feelings from him and spilled everything I had down our heartbond. The lust I felt when he set me alight with just one look. The safety that rooted deep in my gut whenever his arms wrapped around me, no matter the scenario. The joy and laughter and teasing banter. The love.
That last admission rattled through me with such force that tears pricked my eyes. It was so heated and painful, so dangerous and absolutely terrifying. And yet it was true. I’d fallen in love with him when I shouldn’t have. He was all that I thought about, all that I wanted. I should’ve hated him to the ends of the earth, but I couldn’t. I had been holding myself to some unseeable, unreasonable expectation, because I should want someone else—but says who? He was the only one I wanted.
His gaze snapped to mine as every raw emotion filtered down our bond. Then he placed one hand over his face, but not before I caught the despair wreaking havoc on his expression. His shoulders rolled forward as he let loose a heavy breath and let his hand fall away.
“I’ll have Vora accompany your family, too. And Ywena, of course, but that’s largely up to—”
“Rorik!” Tears streamed from my eyes in hot rivers of pain. “What do I have to do to get you to acknowledge me?”
He took several steps back toward the hearth. “Edira—”
But I couldn’t stop. Now that everything had been undammed, the words simply flowed. “How can you send me away? Do you even care when I’m not around? Or am I delusional?” A brittle, manic laugh bubbled from my lips. “This can’t be completely one-sided. Can it?”
He said nothing as he stared at me, but the air was thick with unspoken words. I just couldn’t see them. Couldn’t grasp them. I didn’t know what he was thinking, and I was so fucking tired of guessing at his wants while second-guessing my own.
My lips trembled, and I swallowed. “I hate the way you look at me. Once I deal with Death, I’ll grant your wish and finally fucking leave.”
He broke then, slamming his fist against the mantel and striding toward me. “Don’t you get it? You’ll die if you go through with this. How am I supposed to protect you from Death?”
“Well, maybe when I’m gone you’ll finally admit that I meant something to you. Maybe you’ll finally fucking miss me.”
His eyes burned brighter than the sun as he towered over me. “I miss you every fucking second we’re apart. I’ve never wanted anything, anyone, in my life the way I want you. And that scares the living shit out of me because here you are, the only thing I care about in this gods-forsaken world, actively putting yourself in harm’s way.”
“Then why?” I practically shouted. “Why push me away?”
“Because I wanted it to be enough for you to finally leave. I would break my heart, I would break both of our hearts, over and over again, if it meant you got to live one more day on this earth.” His words were so pained, so gruff and full of heat and love, that I could do nothing but stare at him.
Slowly, I clasped my hands around his and intertwined our fingers. “One more day on this earth means nothing to me if you aren’t in it.”
He let out a shuddering breath. “Stubborn little mender.”
“Brutish fucking Ever.” As I answered his call with our familiar banter, I pressed my forehead against his sternum and reveled in the sound of his rapidly beating heart. He was most certainly a brute. And an Ever. And I wanted him to be fucking me into next week, if he’d simply take what I was offering. But most important, he wasmybrutish Ever. The only one I wanted.
“Youwillbe the death of me,” he murmured into my hair. He let go of my hands then and slipped his arm around my waist, tugging me flush against him.
“As will you,” I said.
He chuckled softly. “To the grave, then?”
Tilting my head up, I held his gaze. “To the grave.”
Pinning my chin between his forefinger and thumb, he leaned down and kissed me. The velvet warmth of his lips sent a wave of relief and joy through me, and I crumpled into his arms. More tears spilled from my eyes as I deepened our kiss, exploring his mouth with my tongue and allowing him to do the same. His hands slipped beneath my ass, and suddenly I was lifted in the air and my legs wrapped around his waist. His kisses turned brusque, demanding, until he pressed me against the wall between the hearth and the bedroom door.
Ache built in my core as I rolled my hips into him. “I like being pinned like this.”
He let out a dark chuckle that set my heart on fire. “I’m not surprised in the least.” Trailing bruising kisses down my neck, he paused at my shoulder to sink his teeth into my skin. A delicious shudder raced through me, and a moan slipped from my lips. This. This was what I’d wanted, what I’d been dying to feel. His hands completely tore through my blouse, and buttons skittered across the floor.
“What was it you told me?” I mused, barely keeping track of my words as his fingers ghosted my abdomen. “Next time I want to see you shirtless, all I have to do is ask.”
“Oops.” His lips curled in a coy smile. Then he pried my legs off him and set me on the ground—much to my grumbling—and trapped my wrists above my head with one of his hands. The other was still tearing away at the strips of fabric that used to be my shirt, until there was nothing left but my black brassiere. His grip on my wrists tightened, his eyes darkening as he brought his nose between my heaving breasts and inhaled deeply. His exhale scorched me with a heat that even Zeverin’s flames couldn’t touch.
“Tonight I’m going to take my time.” His voice was thick with want.
The only pain I’d ever intentionally inflict on you is the agony of making you wait to feel the pleasure of release.
