“Yes. A secret that, well, isn’t a good secret. Not like when you know what Mama got someone for Christmas, and she tells you to keep it to yourself. But something... maybe something bad.”
The older boys laughed at this, but Mother hushed them immediately while Father pressed him to continue. “Tell us what you mean, Jared. You know that we will help you through anything that causes you difficulty. And it’s always right to be honest.”
“Well, one of my friends told me something and said I couldn’t tell anyone because if might cause trouble for his father.”
“I see.”
Evie had heard that tone in her father’s voice before. It was one of grave concern, and yet there was a tenderness to it that offered no condemnation.
“I just wondered if not telling was the same as lying.” Jared reached for his piece of bread and butter. He seemed matter-of-fact but not really worried.
“Well, you probably should have encouraged your friend tosay nothing if his father had instructed him that way.” Father seemed to be trying to deal carefully with the matter. Evie could only imagine what the boy had told her brother.
“I just don’t want to have God mad at me,” Jared countered, his mouth full of bread.
“Don’t talk and eat at the same time, son.” Mother fixed him with a stern look.
He swallowed and then nodded. “Sorry.”
Father cleared his throat. “Is this secret anything that would cause your friend’s father trouble with the law?”
Jared considered this. “I don’t think so. His father just said that his mother was getting fat.” Jared slapped his hand to his mouth.
Everything stopped for a moment as everyone digested the exposed secret. The older boys began to snicker and then erupted in howls of laughter. Even Mother smiled. She quickly disguised her reaction, however, by dabbing the napkin to her lips.
Father didn’t even attempt to hide his amusement. “Well, son, that is a secret that should be kept quiet. After all, it might hurt the woman’s feelings to hear such a thing.”
Jared lowered his hand. “Even if it’s true?”
Father nodded and picked up his fork. “Especially if it’s true. You and I can talk a little more about this later.”
Evie felt it might be the perfect moment to bring up her own secret. “I, too, have a secret to share, but I’m afraid it won’t be nearly as easy to hear.”
Everyone looked at her, the smiles on their faces still evident. She hated knowing they would soon be far from happy with her announcement.
“I’ve been deceptive. I’ve wanted to admit to the truth for a very long time but was afraid of disappointing you all. Especially you, Father.” She drew a deep breath to settle her nerves.“I suppose there was a part of me that was afraid you’d stop loving me.”
“Evie, you could never do anything that would make me stop loving you. It hurts me to think you’d even believe that possible.”
“Oh, Father, I know it’s not possible. I suppose the problem is that I have always lived for your approval. Yours was most important. Mother’s too. And I’m afraid both of you will be upset with me when you hear what I have to say.”
“Well, best to say it, sweetheart,” Mother interjected. “Speak the truth, and we will do our best to receive it in an understanding manner.”
Evie nodded and sucked in another deep breath. “I hate nursing.”
The expressions around the table went from happy to confused. Everyone looked at her like she’d suddenly begun speaking a foreign language.
She hurried to explain. “I don’t hate the actual care of a patient. My heart has always been full of compassion for the injured or sick. But those injuries ... gaping wounds ... surgical procedures and the smells ... it’s just all too much. I get sick every time and have to fight back illness. I’ve really tried to overcome it. You see, it’s been this way since I first started my training, even before then. When I would accompany you or Mother on visitations, I’d always try to find some way to busy myself if there were wounds to be tended. I’d make excuses to help with the children or see to something else. I just couldn’t stomach it.”
“Evie.” Mother breathed her name in a way that revealed complete shock. “Why did you never tell us?”
“Because it so pleased Father to think I could be a nurse at his side. I wanted that very much. You know how excited I was to work with him.”
“Apparently enough to hide the truth,” Andrew said. Jacob punched him in the arm in disapproval.
“Silence,” Father declared. “Evie already feels bad enough.”
“I do. I never wanted it to come to this. I’ve tried all sorts of things to make it work. My nursing supervisor even helped me get through classes with peppermint oil to stave off the smells and a little mint for my stomach. Inevitably, even if I could force myself to remain calm and in control during the procedure, I would be sick afterward.”
