“Ha! That’s funny. You’venevergiven me the benefit of the doubt.”
“Ididgive you the benefit of the doubt today. I even went so far as to make excuses for you. Though I have no idea why.”
I barrel down the sidewalk, weaving my way through slow walkers and phone talkers. Ben’s keeping up, though it’s not quite as easy for someone his size. He’s knocking people over like bowling pins.
“Did you really defend me?” he asks, muscling past a tourist who’s staring at his map app in muddled confusion.
“Well, notyouso much as your precious tax plan.”
“God forbid you admit to knowing me.”
“You know, we agreed this is how we would handle this,” I say without slowing.
“No,youagreed. It’s your rules, all the time. I’m just along for the ride.”
“Myrules? You’re the one holding back fromme! Don’t stand here and tell meI’mthe one calling the shots.”
I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and we start drawing attention from passersby, my raised voice as conspicuous as his clipped, angry one. He glances over my shoulder at the busy street and grimaces, hauling me away from the curb and over to the brick facade of a nearbystorefront. It says something that—even as furious as I am—I don’t want him to drop my hand.
He lowers his voice further, probably hoping I’ll follow suit. “It’s not the same thing.”
“How is it not the same?”
“I’m doing this to protect both of us. You’re trying to hide me.”
“I’m not trying tohideyou! When are you going togetthat?”
He shakes his head like he doesn’t believe me. “You need to want me the same way I want you.”
“Idowant you! How many times do I have to say it?”
“No. I want all of you. Not just a part. Not a fraction. The whole thing.”
“You have the whole thing! I’m standing right in front of you!”
He’s struggling to keep his composure. “No.I am painfully aware of what I don’t have, and I won’t settle for less. I’m not going to be your dirty little secret, Kate. You don’t get to fuck me behind closed doors, then pretend you don’t know me in the morning.”
My jaw drops, the air rushing from my lungs. I try to suck in a breath but can’t. It’s like there’s a hole in my chest where my heart and lungs once were. I pivot and sprint away, tears blurring my vision.
He catches up easily, grabbing my elbow. “Wait.”
“Don’t! Leave me alone. I can get home on my own.”
“I’m not going to leave you alone. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It was over the line.”
“You think?” I wrench my arm away. “Because I’m pretty sure you just called me a whore.”
“You know that’s not what I meant. I’m all fucked up today. Please, can you justwait?”
He shoulders in front of me, blocking my escape. When I hesitate, he steers me into a nearby alleyway, stationing himself between me andthe street. He starts to reach up like he’s going to touch me, then thinks better of it, dropping his hand back down to his side.
“Kate, I’m just... frustrated. I’m running in circles trying to give you what you need, but I have no idea what that is anymore. I’m not even sureyouknow.”
“I need time! And for you to stop pressuring me!”
“Is that really it? Truly? Because if it is, I can give you that. I’ll give you all the time in the world. But it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. It feels like you’re trying to get me out of your system.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
