“Don’t be sorry. It’s fine.” He waves it away, like the fact that I sexually assaulted him is nothing.
“It’s not fine. You helped me and I... I can’t believe I would have...” I can’t finish my thought. I’m brain-dead with embarrassment. “I’m horrified.”
His smile drops.
“I didn’t do— I mean, we didn’t—?”
His mouth falls open, his expression shifting from surprise to anger. “No. Nothing happened. Jesus, Kate, you think I’d take advantage of a sloppy drunk? Some of us have better decision-making abilities than that.”
I visibly flinch at his words, absorbing them like a physical blow. They tangibly hurt. But once I’m over the shock, fury builds in its place. Humiliation and rage churn inside me like a swirling tornado.
So I do what I know how to do. Like the reverse of a snake shedding its skin, I slip on my hating-Ben armor. Hitting back is familiar territory for us. As familiar to me as my own name.
“Thank God,” I say nastily. “Or else I’d need to take another shower.”
Ben stares at me for a long, loaded moment. “Really? That’s how you want to play this?”
“I’m notplayingat anything. Listen, I neveraskedyou to—”
“Do you have any idea what could have happened to you last night if I hadn’t shown up? Who could’veseenyou?”
Outrage spikes my blood. “What isthatsupposed to mean?”
“What if one of our colleagues had walked in and seen you like that? How do you think it would look for one of Senator Warner’s top aides to get caught fall-down drunk the same week her signature legislation gets killed? What if that guy at the bar had been a reporter? Shit gets around this town. You may not care about your reputation, but I’ve seen people get fired for a lot less.”
I’m incensed. “Are youkiddingme? I go out drinkingonetime and suddenly I’m publicly shaming my boss? I don’t know who appointed you the morality police, but I can take care of myself. Have been for years now.”
“You can take care of yourself. Really.” He barks a loudha!and too late I realize how I’ve set myself up again. “Which part of last night demonstrated that you can take care of yourself? Was it when you drank enough for six people on an empty stomach? Or was it the part where you couldn’t walk without falling? Or when you thought it was a good idea to flirt with slimy barflies scouting for an easy target?”
A fireball of indignation lodges in my chest. “Oh, you’re so self-righteous. I forgot I was talking to Mr. Perfect. Well, you can take this caveman act and shove it. I don’t need this crap in my life.”
“I’ma caveman?” He’s incredulous, anger pluming off him like smoke. “Thiscavemanpicked you up wasted at a bar andcarriedyou home. Thiscavemanheld your hair back while you threw up. Thiscavemanmade sure no one took advantage of you.”
He’s practically spitting the words at me, his entire body coiled inrestrained anger. He’s the Hulk building into a frenzy, and at any moment there’ll be an explosion of fury and ripped clothing. He’s standing so close to me that I glimpse the flecks of yellow and blue in his eyes colluding to give them their otherworldly glow. He doesn’t deserve those eyes.
“If I was acaveman, I would’ve taken you up on it when you threw yourself at me.” He wields the proof like a sword, and it slices clean through me.
“I didnotthrow myself at you.” I nearly choke on the words.
“Could’ve fooled me. Or I guess all friends paw each other?”
I think I’m going to be sick again. A high-pitched alarm crescendos in my brain.Escape,it screams.Run.But there’s nowhere to go. I’m a deer in the headlights, an animal in the crosshairs.
He takes a step toward me and his eyes are cold, the teasing twinkle gone, wallpapered over by bitterness and contempt.
“You’re reckless and irresponsible and God forbid someone calls you out on it. It’s the worst kind of privilege, the way you walk around like nothing will ever happen to you. You think you’re the first person to have a bill go down in flames? You think you’ve wasted nine months? I’ve been doing this foreight years. Grow up, Kate. Most people pick themselves up and fight harder, but you, you’d rather lash out at me and make every bad decision in the book.” He shakes his head in disgust. “I knew you were stubborn, but I didn’t think you were stupid.”
His harsh words echo in my head like a skipping record. I take a ragged breath, trying to loosen the tight fist of hurt in my chest.
“Wow,” I say, shaken. “Tell me how you really feel, Ben.”
I watch the darkness drain from his eyes, his hard look replaced by one of blinking surprise. He seems a little shell-shocked, like even he is stunned by what just came out of his mouth.
“You know what, Iamstupid,” I say as I step back, silently cursing my wobbly voice. I can’t let him see how much his words have hurt me.“I’m so stupid, I actually thought we were becoming friends. But thank you for reminding me why that won’teverhappen.”
He starts to speak but I raise a hand to silence him. “You showed me who you were the first time I met you: a rude, arrogant prick. I should have believed you then. But I’ve got good news for you.” I sidestep away from him and cross to my door. “You don’t need to worry about me anymore. Thank you very much for your help last night, but no further assistance needed. I don’t need to be saved, by you or anyone else. You’re not my knight in shining armor, you’re not my brother, you’re not my bodyguard. You’re not myanything.”
I wrench the door open, the message crystal clear:Get the hell out of my life.
