It’s such a relief to finally come clean; I didn’t realize how badly I needed to unburden myself. “Last night, in his kitchen? I’m telling you Nat, it was the hottest moment of my entire life. And I don’t mean ‘since Brett,’ or ‘since my college boyfriend’—I meanever. And all we were doing was kissing! Fully clothed kissing, at that. In fact, I think one of the reasons itwasso hot was because—”
“You set his kitchen on fire?” She grins wickedly.
“No.” I ball up what’s left of my napkin and chuck it at her while she snickers. “It was because I knew he wasn’t going to try to take things any further. Who knew delayed gratification was such a turn-on? It’s like the more he respects my boundaries, the more I want to jump his bones. It’s the strangest, most effective form of reverse psychology ever.”
“You’re living a real-life slow burn,” she says cheekily, sipping her wine.
“I am! And the weird thing is, I feel like I know Jack better after three dates than after threemonthsof dates with Brett. How is that even possible?”
“Anything’s possible with the right guy,” she singsongs, her dark eyes twinkling.
I level her with a stern look. “Let’s be clear: Jack Bradford is not the ‘right’ guy. In fact, he’s precisely thewrongman for me to be falling for. Cupid has a twisted sense of humor,” I grumble as I slurp my drink.Stupid Cupid. “It’s not fair.”
“If life were fair, every dress would have pockets.”
I snort, inhaling my drink in the process and setting off a prolonged coughing fit.
She slides me my water and leans forward. “Listen, you’ve been resisting this since the very beginning. I think you need to let go of all these guardrails you’ve put up and allow yourself to explore what an actual relationship with Jack would be like. You need to find out how you truly feel about him without it feeling ‘forbidden’ or off-limits. It’s the only way you’ll know for sure if there’s something real there.”
I consider her words thoughtfully. It’s essentially the same conclusion I’ve already come to, though I don’t think I realized how badly I needed to hear her vote of confidence. Oranyvote of confidence, really. My judgment’s been so out of whack lately that I don’t even trust myself to see things clearly anymore.
She’s studying me, the corner of her mouth curved up. “Did you know you smile when you say his name?”
My cheeks heat. “I do?”
“Totally. Your face gets all flushed and dreamy.” I bury said face in my hands, embarrassed. “What? It’s sweet! You like him, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Isn’t there, though? Aren’t I essentially choosing a guy over my career? I don’t want to be known as ‘the girl who didn’t go to Paris.’ ”
We exchange matching grimaces, the pain of LC choosing Jason Wahler over a summer internship at FrenchVoguestill fresh.
“And the thing is, Cynthia’s not wrong; I am a little blinded by my attraction to him,” I admit. “After all, he’s still the guy who runs Brawler. That hasn’t changed.”
“But your opinion of himhaschanged. You said it yourself, he’s nothing like the site, nothing like you thought he’dbe. Evolving your position based on new information is a sign of strength, not weakness.”
I huff a laugh. “You’d make an excellent politician.”
“Are we really all that different, though? They’re playing to their audience just like we are. Brawler gives Siren a hard time, and we give it right back. We’re not exactly saints here.” She pops another fry into her mouth. “Come to think of it, a little healthy competition makes for great foreplay.” She waggles her eyebrows suggestively.
“Well, I hope foreplay’s enough to satisfy him for a while, because...” I trail off, second-guessing that dash of honesty. Nat won’t understand this.
“Because what?”
I drag a fry through the ketchup, stalling. I don’t know why I’m embarrassed to admit this. “Because I actually like the pace we’re moving at. It feels nice, you know? Getting to know him slowly, giving myself the chance to look forward to things. I haven’t been pursued like this since... well,ever.” I think of how to explain it. “Everything about the way I’ve handled this relationship has been different, and since it seems to be working out pretty well, I’ve decided to stay the course.”
She sits back in her chair, giving me alooonglook. “I don’t believe it.”
“What?”
She points her fry at me. “You’re turning into Betty.”
“What?” I attempt a laugh, but what comes out is a noise that’s never occurred before in nature. “No, I’m not.”
“You are.” Her eyes are alight with the thrill of scientific discovery. She’s Edison, and her prototype light bulb has just blinked to life. “She’s gotten into your head. You thinkthe tips are working, so you’re turning into that crazy Nebraska lady!”
“Okay, first of all, Nebraska lady has a name, it’s Tami. And she isnotcrazy, she’s sweet as cherry pie and has been very helpful to me, so I will not abide any Tami slander.” Nat rolls her eyes. “Second of all, you’re being ridiculous.”
“I’mbeing ridiculous? Let’s consider the evidence, shall we?” She’s gesticulating so wildly with her fry that a blob of ketchup plops onto the table. “You got a subscription toGood Housekeeping. You’re watching black-and-white movies constantly. You pitched a story the other day about the comeback of pantyhose.Pantyhose!” she repeats, pounding the table for emphasis. She’s a lawyer making her case; the fry is her laser pointer. “You followed a bunch of Rock Hudson fan pages on Instagram, and you’re singing oldies in the shower. And now you’re embracingcelibacy?!”
