“Youfeel humiliated? Well, join the fucking club, Cassidy. All those people in there have been laughing at me behind my back for God knows how long, and you brought me here tonight so they could do it in person!” His anger is a visceral thing; it’s rolling off him like radioactive waves.
“That isnotwhy I brought you here.” He snorts in derision. “Jack, I don’t know what you think you know—”
“Here’s what I know,” he cuts me off. “You’ve been lying to me since the day we met. I have no idea who you are or if anything you’ve told me is true. I don’t even know if this relationship was ever real.”
“It was real,” I insist, to myself as much as him. “Itisreal.”It’s the most real relationship I’ve ever had.
“You’ll forgive me if your word doesn’t mean much right now.” He palms the back of his neck, twisting away from me to glance back at the ballroom. “I don’t understand why you’re even out here right now. I just gave you everything you needed for your story. That is what you were looking for, wasn’t it? For me to act like some sort of ignorant asshole? Some chauvinistic caveman?”
I feel sick. “Who told you?” I whisper.
He looks incredulous. “That’s it, that’s what you have to say to me? Whotoldme?”
“No, I’m...” My head is spinning and I’m having trouble forming cohesive thoughts. I’m in the eye of the storm, an emotional tornado that’s plucked me off the ground andspit me high into the air. “No, that’s not all I have to say.” My phone is going crazy in my purse, but I ignore it.
His eyes flash with temper. “So you’re not going to bother denying it, then? No more lies?”
I take a deep breath. “No, I’m not going to deny it. You deserve the truth.” Just saying the words out loud makes me want to weep with relief. Despite the intensity of the situation, to finally be honest with him feels like a two-thousand-pound weight’s been lifted off my shoulders.
“NowI deserve the truth.” He laughs bitterly, crossing his arms over his chest. “So tell me, Cassie, because I’m not exactly clear. What was your big plan here? To embarrass me? Ruin my business? Or just to rip my heart out?”
Tears well in my eyes as my own heart cracks right down the middle. I can’t stand to see the hurt in his eyes, especially knowing I’m the one who put it there. It’s the inevitable outcome I feared all along.
“Jack, no.No.” He shakes his head in disgust and starts to walk away but I grab his arm before he can, dragging him into a nearby alcove and away from prying eyes. “You want the truth? Here it is, okay? I did go out with you intending to embarrass you. I thought if I acted a certain way, I could catch you... I don’t know, being a jerk, or behaving badly, and then use it for a story. I gave myself three dates to come up with something incriminating I could use against you and Brawler.”
He’s still shaking his head, face turned away like he can’t bear to look at me. Which is just as well, I suppose; it helps that I don’t have to look him in the eye as I confess my sins.
“It’s not an excuse, but I’d just been hurt and I thought you deserved it. It was stupid and ridiculous, I see that now, but I wanted to get back at you for all the times Brawler’sgone after Siren, for all the obnoxious ‘Sacred Saturdays’ crap we’re always dealing with. I even convinced myself it wasnoble, that by taking you down I’d be righting a wrong for women everywhere. I thought I’d write my story, shame Brawler and all the men who read it, then go on my merry way.” I swipe at the tears that are gathering more quickly now. I shudder to think of what my face must look like, watery tracks running through my meticulously applied makeup. “But that was before I knew you. And somewhere along the way I—”
“Grew a conscience?” he sneers.
“No. I mean, yes, but...” I let out a ragged breath. “Jack, somewhere along the way I realized that my feelings for you weren’t fake. I wanted to be with you as therealme, not the silly caricature I came up with. But I knew if I told you the truth, you’d never speak to me again. So I convinced myself that it didn’t matter how we’d met, that I could just kill the story and pretend the whole thing never happened.” I dash away another tear that’s broken loose. I’ll be able to raft down this river of tears soon. “I know it was wrong. Iknowthat. I just... I didn’t know what else to do.” Despair is mounting in my chest. “I couldn’t let you hate me.”
He stays stoic, his expression giving nothing away. I want so badly to touch him, to grab the hand flexing at his side, but it feels selfish. I’d be doing it to comfort myself as much as him, and that’s not fair to him.
He’ll barely look at me. “I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I told you things I never tell anyone, and you just lied to my face over and over again. You’ve lied about everything since the day we met!”
“That’s not true. I lied about stupid things, like needing chaperones for our dates and knowing how to roast achicken. Not the things that matter.” My phone starts ringing again and I curse, pulling it out and glancing at the display—Nat, unsurprisingly—before shutting it off completely and tossing it back in my purse.
“Why should I believe a word you say?” There’s pain in his voice now, defeat, which somehow feels worse than his anger.Like I’m losing him.
Desperation seizes me. “Because it’s the truth! Jack, the second I knew I had feelings for you,realfeelings, I called the whole thing off. I told Cynthia I refused to go through with it. I told her she could fire me.”
He continues to shake his head, saying nothing, and I throw my arm toward the ballroom.
“You don’t believe me? Go in there and ask her! Go find Cynthia and ask her when I walked away from the story. It wasweeksago, Jack. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you only liedhalfthe time?” He drags a hand through his hair and strides a few paces away before turning back again. “Jesus, Cassie, were youevergoing to tell me the truth?”
“I don’t know,” I say miserably, hating this. Hatingmyself. “Would you have forgiven me?”
He doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t have to. We both know the answer.
“Jack, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for lying to you and betraying your trust, and for giving you reason to doubt that what I’m telling you now is anything but the truth. You have every right to be angry with me. But don’t you remember what you said to me before, about Brett and the whole Saturdays thing? You said, ‘How can I be sorry for it when it brought us together?’ Well, I feel the same way. I’m sorry but I’m alsonotsorry, because without this stupid story I never would haveseen you again after the night we met in that bar. I would’ve cursed your name and walked out of there and never looked back. I would never have gotten to know you. I would never have learned what an amazing man you are. I would never...”
I hesitate, my voice faltering, and I nearly lose my nerve, but I’m determined to get this out. I owe him at least that much.
I swallow and meet his gaze, clear-eyed. “I would never have fallen in love with you.”
