“I look like I’m wearing a diaper!”
I gurgled a laugh, then tried to disguise it as a cough. “Nah,” I told him, then paused. “Diapers are white.”
He speared me with a look. “I might as well be wearing a Speedo,” he grumbled. I almost pointed out that a Speedo wouldn’t be historically accurate, but decided to keep that bit of snark in the chamber for the moment.Not the time.
“And they’re wool, so everything itches,” he complained, shifting uncomfortably, and I felt my own face flush as I watched him adjust himself.I need to stop staring at his crotch.
“Well, your abs look great,” I offered, trying to throw him a lifeline. And they did. Stacked like bricks one on top of the other, widening into broad, flat pectorals, strong shoulders, and a respectable amount of upper body musculature. I knew he was leaner than he’d like, based on fitness-related conversations I’d overheard between him and Jason, but I failed to see much to be self-conscious about. And while I couldn’t see his backside, I’d be willing to bet his ass looked great in these bun huggers.
“Nice try,” he huffed, tugging his robe closed with jerky movements, and my horny soul shed a tear. “I’ll be a laughingstock.”
“Oh stop it, you will not,” I countered. “You think all the girls buying tickets for this movie are gonna be mad about seeing a nearly nude Ryder Perry?”
“Youlaughed,” he said, retying the belt and stalking off.
“I was laughingwithyou, not at you!” I called at his back.
Sigh. Looked like I’d be getting Ragey Ryder after all.
Sprinting into theocean was a shock to my system. Ironically, taking a refreshing dip in the Atlantic would have been a welcome reprieve on just about any other sweltering Seafolly summer day, but with the cold air and even colder water, I was miserable. On the first take, I had such a hard time disguising the shock on my face that Nate asked if I could try it again, “only this time don’t look like you’re in so much pain.”Easier said than done, pal.
On our second take, Ryder flubbed his line, so I got out (again) and we reset.
And then he flubbed his line again.
And then a third time.
At first, I was understanding. The second try, still as patient as a saint. But by the fifth bungled take, I snapped.
“You’re doing this on purpose,” I hissed at him through chattering teeth. I was huddled in a towel, fruitlessly trying to warm up between takes while he sat there, dry as a bone. “Are you trying to give me hypothermia?”
His smile was cunning as he leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Not laughing now, are you?”
I reared back and stared at him open-mouthed, my expression gradually morphing from stunned to murderous. Pettinessand pranks were one thing, but this was a bridge too far. A breeze kicked up, ruffling his professionally mussed blond strands before they settled right back into place. The injustice of his dry, perfectly coiffed hair was the final straw.
“You know what would be great?” I said, the fury in my bloodstream reaching lethal levels. “If you could stop being such adick,” I spat.
Ryder’s eyes widened in alarm, the smug smile dropping off his face.That’s right, buddy, you pushed me too far this time.“I don’t know what I did that made you decide to make my life a living hell, but I’m over it. Got that? O-V-E-R.” I spelled out each letter, jabbing a stiff finger into his bare chest, which was much firmer than I expected. It kind of hurt, actually.Another thing to be pissed at him about.“I amdoneletting you bully me. I’m not gonna shake it off or pretend to ignore it anymore. I have a breaking point, and we’re there.”
Ryder’s face had drained of color, and it was then I noticed that everyone around us had gone silent, the usual buzz of the crew muted to an ominous hush. I turned and saw Nate’s head popped up behind the camera, his expression appalled, and it was only then I realized: I’d forgotten to turn off my microphone.
Oh, shit.
My blood ran cold, then hot, the burn of shame surging through my veins.The entire crew had heard my outburst.I watched Nate turn and say something to the assistant director, then stride purposefully across the sand toward us. My stomach plunged as he approached, my legs quaking and unsteady—from cold or fear, I wasn’t sure which—while Ryder stood still as a statue next to me.
Nate addressed us in a low voice. “Let’s discuss this in my trailer.” His tone brooked no debate.
We followed him wordlessly, a pair of prisoners headed to the gallows. Some of the crew avoided eye contact, pretending to be busy, while others stared at us owlishly, boring holes in our backs as we passed by.This is so embarrassing.I felt unprofessional and childish, like a naughty kid being sent to time out.
I think the worst part was that it was such an unforced error.I couldn’t have remembered to turn my mic off, really? I couldn’t have waited until we were alone to tear him a new one?If I’d been thinking straight, I would’ve hatched my own retaliation plan instead of throwing a temper tantrum. I didn’t usually let my emotions get the better of me like that. Ryder was asking for it, sure, but I needed to get control of myself before I got booted off this film. This was my big break, and I refused to let Ryder ruin it for me. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
My only solace was that I managed to grab my robe while Ryder seemed to have forgotten he was clad in a pair of hot pants. Objectifying him seemed like appropriate payback for intentionally inflicting frostbite, so I dropped back a step and finally got a good peek at his butt in those microshorts, and truly, it exceeded expectations. His full, tight buns reminded me of the ripe, juicy peaches I saw spilling from every roadside farmstand in Seafolly.Finger-lickin’ good.
Once we were inside and Nate had shut the door, he turned to face us. He stared us down for a minute, stroking his mustache, letting us drown in our own flop sweat. “So, it appears we have a problem here. Either of you care to share what it’s about?”
I glanced at Ryder, and a rare unspoken agreement passedbetween us—neither of us wanted to throw the other under the bus.
“No one’s talking.” He sighed. “Look, I’ve noticed the tension between you two, but I haven’t cared to address it because, selfishly, I’m getting what I want on camera. I’d like to continue staying out of it, because if I have to get involved, that’s when things will get messy.”
