The worst dayon set, the only one I truly hated, was the day we had to film the movie’s devastating final scene: Melody breaking Holden’s heart.
It was the scene that started it all, the one we’d performed at our audition months ago that had blown the casting team away and landed me the role. Nate had intentionally saved it for the end, knowing that months of working side by side would only deepen our on-screen chemistry, making Holden and Melody’s breakup far more gut-wrenching than it ever could’ve felt on day one. And while he didn’t say it outright, I think he was quietly pleased that our real-life relationship would add an extra layer of authenticity to the emotional goodbye.That makes one of us.
In the emotional scene, Holden returns to Seafolly after several years away, determined to reclaim Melody’s heart after leaving on bad terms—only to discover she’d borne him a son, and under pressure from her parents, had married Tate, who’d offered to raise the child as his own. For her part, Melody learns the truth: The letter she sent Holden, revealing her pregnancy and begging for his intervention, was never received, rather than ignored as she’d always believed. It had simply been lost, a tragic twist forever sealing their fate as star-crossed lovers.
The climactic scene was the beating heart and soul of thestory; the movie’s entire emotional arc hinged upon us getting this right. Ironically, I’d once looked forward to the challenge it presented, knowing how much it would demand of me, how it would stretch and test my skills as an actress. My performance needed to run the gamut—from shock and devastation to selflessness and resignation. It was the acting equivalent of running a marathon and summiting Everest in the same day, and I’d spent years training for this moment.
The problem was, it didn’t feel like acting anymore. It felt prophetic, like a rehearsal for heartbreak, a premonition of what was waiting for us outside our safe Seafolly bubble. Who’s to say Ryder and I wouldn’t find ourselves torn apart by distance and circumstances the same way Holden and Melody were? There were echoes of us in every line, and I wasn’t sure I could handle saying them out loud. This scene was already going to be the hardest thing I’d ever donebeforemy real-life feelings for Ryder got tangled up in it. But now? It felt impossible.
My apprehension was only rivaled by Nate’s excitement. “I want the emotion dialed up to eleven,” he instructed us, and dread lodged like a pit in my stomach. “More passion, more devastation. Basically, your audition but on steroids.”
Super.
I forced us to sleep separately the night before, telling Ryder I didn’t want to see him until Nate called “Action.” I needed the ache of missing him to be real, needed to lean into the feelings of abandonment and loneliness for my performance to resonate the way I wanted it to. He didn’t argue, just pressed a gentle kiss to my lips before leaving me alone with mythoughts. I laid awake for hours, curled around a pillow that smelled like him, and recited the same words on a loop, counting them like sheep:It’s just a scene. Not real. Just a scene. Not real.
When I arrived on set, the air was heavy and thick, the sky overcast, as if Mother Nature herself knew what was coming. Nate walked me through the blocking: Melody would be working in the fields when Holden arrived, a young boy—his son—playing nearby. As disbelief turned to comprehension on his face, there’d be a fraught moment of tension as Holden crouched down to introduce himself to the little boy and asked how old he was. With the staggering news confirmed, Melody would send her son back to the farmhouse, and the two would have their long-awaited showdown.
When I first glimpsed Ryder walking down the dusty road toward me, my reaction was real. Fear gripped me and I dropped the basket of vegetables I was holding, panic clawing at my throat, adrenaline curdling my blood. Ryder looked equally haunted, the elated grin he wore quickly giving way to confusion, then despair. And despite my own distress, I found myself completely in awe of his performance. Pain bled through every expression, his face painted with regret. It was enough to make me cry before he’d even said a word.
We filmed the scene over and over, each take more brutal than the last. Me, standing stock-still, a basket of cucumbers spilled at my feet. Him, spotting the little boy, the math slotting into place on his face. His features slack and shellshocked as he realizes the truth, all that he’s missed out on. For hours, we tore each other apart, spat insults at each other, screamed,sobbed. I sent him away over and over again, uttering words that stabbed my soul like daggers.
“You should never have come back here.”
“How could you marry someone you don’t love?”
“I love him in his own way. Maybe not the same way I love you, but he’s a good man and a good father. He was there when I needed him. He was there when you weren’t.”
“You gave up on us!”
“Me? You left and didn’t look back! It’s been five years, Holden. Was I supposed to wait around forever? Hope that one day you’d come back for us?”
“You could’ve tried harder. You sent me one letter!”
“And where were my letters?”
“I was at war! I was focused on staying alive!”
“No, you thought I’d still be waiting here, pining over you.”
“I can’t help that I didn’t get your letter!”
“You don’t think it’s hard for me, knowing half my heart is walking around out there? I told myself you were dead because that was easier than believing you’d abandoned me. I grieved you. And now what, I’m supposed to take our son and run away with you? Rip him away from the only father he’s ever known?”
“I’m his father!”
“You were once. But you’re not anymore.”
“You can’t tell me it’s over between us. I won’t let you. I love you Melody, and I know you still love me. Please, I’ll do anything. I’ll give you everything. I’ll spend the rest ofmy life making it up to you. We’ll be so happy, you just have to come with me, one last time. All you have to do is say yes,” he pleaded, just like he had so many times before.
“I can’t,” I choked out, our foreheads touching, tears soaking both our faces. “I wish I could, but I can’t. Not this time.”
And then he had to give me one last heart-wrenching kiss.A goodbye kiss.
By the time we finally wrapped for the day, I was so emotionally wrecked, my eyes so red and swollen from crying, that I’d brought on a migraine. We didn’t talk much that night, both of us subdued, Ryder massaging my head until I fell asleep.
I couldn’t imagine that anything could be worse than that day, though it seemed fate was still waiting in the wings to deal us a final blow.
In the waning weeks of shooting, Ryder and I both had family members come visit the set. First, Kendall came to stay with me for a few days and spent a couple of them shadowing the makeup team, thanks to the offer Francesca had made months ago. Kendall was on cloud nine, fitting right in with her team and quickly adjusting to the frenetic pace that came with keeping an entire cast camera ready at all times. Francesca gave her a crash course in 1940s period makeup, from eyeliner trends to era-specific lipstick shades and everything in between, and Kendall soaked up every bit of it like a thirsty beauty blender. She was so enamored by the experience, I knew it wouldn’t be long before she’d be living in LA with me and running sets of her own, which thrilled me. Slightly lessthrilling was the instant crush she’d developed on Jase, the two of them snickering like teenagers every time I turned around. I menaced him with a warning glare, which deterred him exactly zero percent. I needed to keep an eye on those two.
