“How? You go through life saying what you think and expecting no one will get mad because you’re being honest. Like a robot.”
The moment she said it, she knew she had messed up in a massive and possibly unforgivable way because she could almost see Nico shut down.
“I’m sorry.” She always was the first to apologize, no matter whose fault it was, although this was clearly hers. Too bad asorrydidn’t magically erase what happened. She was about to make some beeping noises, to try to crack the deep and heavy silence, but luckily her frontal lobe kicked in. There was something about that phrase that had done enough damage.
There it was. As usual, Valerie screwing up because she was trying to avoid confrontation, like dealing with Alexis at Ad Astra. She clenchedher hands, furious with herself, and wondered how to fix this. Her impulse was to pretend the fight hadn’t happened and to do whatever she could to keep the relationship smooth and limping along, the same way she kept trying with her mom, and Alexis, and everyone, because some relationship was better than none.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I don’t know why I said that.”
“No?”
“I can tell that word has meaning for you,” she said carefully. “I wasn’t thinking when I said it. It was rude. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not.”
He gave her a cold look. “It’s okay for you to say it’s fine, but not me?”
She nearly stamped the floor in guilty frustration. “It’s not good for either of us,” she said. “You’re right. We should talk about what bothers us.”
“I understand you think that.”
She glared at him. “That’s passive-aggressive.”
“It’s a statement of fact.”
He said nothing more as they passed a fry truck. Nor did he speak as they stopped for gas. At first Valerie thought he was giving her the silent treatment, like Jake did, and felt a small smug satisfaction that he was proving her point. It wasn’t until they’d driven through more trees, by a blue lake lined with boats, and past a roadside vegetable stall, that she realized something much worse: He wasn’t staying quiet to punish her.
He was quiet because he had nothing to say to her.
What should she do? Opening her mouth seemed like the worst possible option so she didn’t.
Then, finally, Nico started talking and she slumped with relief. “My sisters call us robots,” he said. “My father and me.”
He’d alluded to problems with his family. Was this it? “They do?” she asked carefully.
“They’re loud, Stefanie in particular. Everything is a big deal. Everything is the end of the world, or the best thing ever.”
Valerie tried not to shrink down, recognizing herself in this.
“Stefanie hates it when I don’t react the same way,” he continued, fingers tapping on the wheel. “She always tries to get a rise out of me.”
“Is that why you don’t talk to her?”
“I find it’s easier not to.”
“Do you miss her?” she asked.
“Sometimes. Stefanie used to make me cookies. She hated nuts but she put them in because I liked them. She wasn’t bad all the time.”
“I’m sorry I said that,” she said. “I didn’t know how mean it was.”
“I know.” He glanced over. “I don’t want to talk about it, though.”
“Are you angry with me?” she asked, unable to help herself.
“Not with you, but you brought up some stuff I don’t want to deal with.”
