I scoot closer and, after a moment of hesitation, put an arm around her shoulders. Her body goes still and for a moment I worry that I’ve done the wrong thing. But then she drops a head onto my shoulder, and my chest warms. I’m trying to comfort her, but it’s making me feel better, too.
“You’re not selfish,” I tell her. “I think you’re cool as heck. How many people get to be on a TV show? You shouldn’t feel bad about that. You should feel proud.”
She doesn’t say anything but lets out a soft, contented sigh, like some of her anxiety is fading. I feel a twinge of pride knowing I’m the one who made her feel that way.
“Whatever they’ve got going on, they need to figure it out themselves,” I continue. “You’re their kid. If you have a chance to be what you want to be, you have to go for it.”
She pulls back to stare up at me, wide-eyed. Then a flicker of amusement enters her expression. “Wow. You’re wise. Like a fortune cookie.”
I scoff, embarrassed. “How old are you?” I ask. “Eleven?”
“Twelve.”
“Well, that explains it. I’m thirteen. Older and wiser.”
She laughs again, then lowers her head back on my shoulder. A warm blanket of contentment stretches over me. I’m no longer thinking about the heat, or moving, or the weird dying-animal noise Toby made when I clocked him. I would happily sit out here in the mulch with her forever.
But forever ends less than a minute later, when her parents call her name from the driveway.
“Marissa? It’s time to hit the road. Come say goodbye to your grandma.”
Marissa lifts her head from my shoulder and—maybe it’s my imagination—she looks as reluctant to separate as I feel.
“Thanks for making me feel better,” she says. “You’re cool. I wish we had hung out more this summer. But who knows? Maybe I’ll get sacked from the show and will be back next year after all.”
I force a smile. “Nah. I’ll be rooting for ten seasons.”
“Marissa!” The sound of her mother’s voice redirects Marissa’s attention to the driveway. She blows out a sigh.
“Guess that’s my cue. Thanks again, JJ. You’re the best.”
She leans forward, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I feel the warm heat of it all through my body, like a jolt of electricity.
I watch as she grabs her book, brushes the dirt off her legs, and steps out into the full sunshine, before turning and walking out of sight. Through the bushes, I can faintly make out the sounds of her parents talking, of goodbyes being exchanged, and finally, the minivan rolling over gravel. When it’s completely silent again, I stand up and make my way back home in a daze.
It isn’t until I walk through the front door that I realize I’ve forgotten the ice cream.
My parents ground me for a week.
15MARISSA
When I step through the front door, the house is dark and completely quiet. At first, I’m flooded with a sense of relief. Everything is as I left it. Someone else was in charge for a few hours and nothing catastrophic happened. Rocky said he would step up to the plate, and he did.
But almost immediately, the relief is replaced by panic. WhereisRocky? Has he gone upstairs and made himself comfortable in one of the bedrooms? Inmybedroom? Co-parenting is one thing, but I’ve come here to put some space between us. He’s totally blindsided me with this visit, and the last thing I need is for him to get comfortable.
I take a few steps farther into the house, prepared to head to the second floor and confront my unwanted houseguest, when I spot a figure on the sofa. In the darkness, Rocky’s profile comes into focus, and I breathe out a sigh of relief.Thank goodness. Of course he gets to barge in here and be the fun parent, but at least he’s taken the hint that I need to set some boundaries.
Now that the initial anxiety has passed, space has been cleared for a new emotion. My body feels lighter than it did this morning, untethered and buoyant. The usual mental cobwebs have disintegrated, and I notice that I’m smiling. Is it possible that I am feeling… happy?
You had fun tonight, a voice in my head whispers. With a start, I realize it’s true. I can’t remember the last time I really let loose like that, let my guard down and had fun without worrying about everyone else. It felt good. If I’m being honest with myself, I want more of that feeling. And if I’m really honest, I want more of that feeling withhim.
Another thought strikes me. Why not? What’s stopping me? The kids are asleep and accounted for. The rest of the night is mine. Why shouldn’t I spend it chasing after what I want, for once?
Before I can overthink it, I pull the front door open and step out onto the porch. I expected Jesse to be long gone by now, but his truck is still idling in the driveway. I make my way through the muggy night air, punctuated with its chorus of crickets, until I reach the car. Jesse’s leaning against the steering wheel, chin propped in his hand, his gaze drifting somewhere beyond the windshield. He must be lost in thought, because he doesn’t notice me approaching. He startles when I tap on the window, eyes wide as he rolls down the glass.
“You okay?” His shoulders tense as he steals a look at the front door, like he’s ready to fight off whatever evil I’ve confronted inside. Moths. Exes. Ex-moths, maybe.
“I should ask you the same thing,” I say. “Why are you still lurking in my driveway?”
