Chapter Thirty-Seven
After a few more group hugs, Julia and Gabriel tromp up the stairs together, arm in arm. They’re acting like the Lion and the Scarecrow fromTheWizard of Oz, singing their own version of the main song from the movie.
“We’re off, thanks to the Wizard! The Wonderful Wizard of Ozzzzzz!”
I shake my head and smile faintly as I listen to their voices fade away into the stairwell. Finally, it’s quiet in the Bat Cave again. I turn to Sunny, who’s been unusually restrained during the impromptu show tune exit.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” I ask her.
Sunny sighs. She looks at me and bites her bottom lip. It’s funny to recognize that she looks extremely attractive right now and also realize in this moment that I’m not personally attracted to her. I’ve never really thought about the difference before. But there is a difference.
“Sure,” she says. “Why not?”
I lock up the school behind us, and we lean into the tiltedstreets, letting gravity lead us gently down to Golden Gate Park. The wind can’t quite decide whether it wants to be refreshing and breezy or tip into blustering. But the sun peeks out from the clouds at little moments, and Sutro Tower waves hello between the sporadic sheets of fog, and it feels like the most perfect day I can imagine.
“Strawberry Hill?” I ask after we cross Irving and step under the tree-lined canopy.
Sunny laughs. “No freaking way. I’m not in hiking gear.”
“Okay, then.” I point up ahead. “Shakespeare Garden?”
“That I can do.”
We walk under the delicate arched wrought-iron sign and past the sundial. Sunny finds a bench in the shade. She slides onto one side of the bench, leaving the other side open. I sit down next to her. Sunny shifts and faces me as soon as I’ve sat down.
“I’ve kind of wanted to tell you something,” she says carefully. “Over the last few weeks, I mean.”
“Oh,” I say, a bit surprised. I had thought I was going to have to be the one to dive into this subject. But I’m glad Sunny’s bringing it up. It’s good that she’s leading this conversation. “Okay. Yeah, tell me.”
“Don’t get mad.”
“I won’t be mad,” I say.
“You might get mad.”
“Sunny. Just tell me!”
She nods. “You’re right. So, here’s the thing: The day I saw you dancing with Cam, I was pissed.”
“Rightly so,” I say quickly. “I shouldn’t have lied to you andthe group. I should have been talking to you that day after school about what you had told me—”
Sunny holds up a finger to get me to stop talking. “But here’s the thing, Ivy: When I saw you two together, I also felt this weird sort of relief.”
Relief?I swallow and wait for Sunny to keep going.
“After we voted Cam out of the group, and I chased you upstairs and said I had feelings for you…Well, I regretted it almost immediately. I knew I had messed things up somehow.”
“With our friendship,” I offer.
Sunny shakes her head. “No. It was more like I had the wrong translation. I’ve never been a part of GSA, Ivy. I’ve never felt strong enough—or safe enough, really—to champion my sexuality. Like, I’ve never even let myself think about it the way that you have. But I still remember your poster on the LGBTQ+ acronym. And how you wrote about why the acronym starts with the letterL.”
“You remember that?” I ask.
Sunny gives me a smirk. “I mean, they hung it up in the main part of the hallway. I couldn’t avoid it. But it stuck with me, you know? Like it was a clue to figuring myself out. And this last month…it made me realize, I don’t have a crush on you, specifically. But I do look up to you. I like how proud you are about your identity. And…yeah, when I ran upstairs after you, what I really should have said was ‘I think I’m a lesbian.’ Because, well, I am.”
She looks down into her lap shyly.
I leap up from the bench. I can barely contain myself.
