“Lee?” Mom asked, putting her hand on my shoulder. “You’re white as a ghost. Are you all right? Do you want to leave?”
I shook my head. Kellie wasn’t there yet. I needed to stay. Needed to see her so we could tell the detectives what really happened. I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to breathe slowly. In through the nose, out through the mouth. That’s the technique, right? I couldn’t remember.
Detective Jenner left Mom and me in the hallway as he stepped into the old computer lab. Through the open door, I could see that almost nothing remained, aside from a couple of desks, one of which I could see Denny sitting beneath. His face was turned away from me as Detectives Jenner and Weinberg talked to each other, then asked a question of Eden, who was out of eyeshot.
I kept my eyes on Denny’s back. I didn’t dare look at anything else, especially not in the direction of the bathroom, on the other end of the hall. Denny was my friend. Denny was safe.Just keep looking at Denny, I told myself.
He shifted slightly, a small, uneasy movement you’d only notice after staring too hard. And I wondered what he was feeling, crouched beneath that desk, the same place he’d been just a few months ago. How hard was it to just sit there for minutes at a time while people discussed the shooting, plotted it out step-by-step, like they were solving a Rubik’s Cube instead of mapping out the path of a teenage mass murderer.
A few minutes later, the two detectives emerged from the classroom, followed by Eden and Denny. He just looked a bit tired, but Eden had clearly been crying. She glanced at me, then looked away, obviously embarrassed.
“Thanks, kids,” Detective Jenner said. “I think that’s all we need today. We really appreciate you coming in and going over this with us.” He glanced at me then. “Give us just a second, Leanne. Detective Weinberg and I need to talk through a few things, and hopefully by the time we’re ready, Ashley will be here. I’d really like to go through everything in order.”
I nodded, and the two detectives stepped back into the old computer lab.
“Lee?” Denny asked.
“Here,” I said.
His cane tapped along the hard floor with a slight echo, until he came to stand next to me. “So,” he said, leaning against the wall. “This is weird, huh?”
Despite myself, I laughed a little.
“Where are your parents, Denny?” Mom asked.
“Work,” he said. “They wanted to come, but I asked them not to. It would just freak them out to walk through every step of it like that. So Eden’s family drove me.”
I glanced around, but I didn’t see any of Eden’s relatives. She must have noticed because she said, “They’re outside, in the car. They came in at first, but when Detective Weinberg started going through the class seating chart … mentioned where Rosi had been sitting …” She shrugged. “Detective Weinberg was having a hard time hearing me over Abuela and my aunt crying.”
“They weren’t even crying loudly,” Denny pointed out. “You’re just really quiet. Even after they left, he had to ask you to speak up at least three times.”
“Denny,” Mom whispered, clearly a little horrified by his teasing.
But Eden waved a hand. “It’s okay, Ms. Bauer. He’s not wrong. And he knows poking at me keeps me from thinking too much about …” She trailed off and, after a long pause, cleared her throat. “We should go, though. My family’s waiting. Good luck, Lee.”
I nodded and watched as she and Denny headed down the hallway, their figures growing smaller and smaller until they’d rounded a corner and were gone. Now it was just me. And Mom. And the detectives that were about to make me walk back into that bathroom.
Relax, I told myself.It’s just a bathroom. Just a room full of sinks and toilets. Stop freaking out. You’re being stupid.
When the detectives came back out into the hallway, Ashley and Kellie still hadn’t arrived. The men looked at each other, and Detective Weinberg sighed and tapped his clipboard.
“Leanne,” Detective Jenner said, turning to face Mom and me. “We were really hoping to do this all in order, but we don’t want to take up too much of your time. So if it’s all right with you, we can go ahead and get started.”
I glanced behind me, back down the empty hall. Kellie still wasn’t here. How were we going to explain what had really happened if she wasn’t here yet?
“Should we wait for Kellie, at least?” I asked, ashamed of the little quake in my voice. “Since we were both in the … in there.” I gestured toward the girls’ room.
“Ideally,” Detective Jenner said. “But she’s late, and we can’t even be sure if she’s coming. It’s possible she changed her mind. If she does show up, we can just go over things with her separately and compare to yours.”
“Um, okay. Sure.”
I was just going to have to clear things up on my own. I’d tell Detective Jenner what had happened with Sarah, I’d make it clear the stories about her weren’t true. And then when Kellie did show up, they’d have to believe her. Simple.
Or it should’ve been.
The detectives began walking toward the bathroom and gestured for Mom and me to follow. Mom put a hand on my shoulder again, but I jerked away and glared at her. I didn’t want her to coddle me. I didn’t want her here at all. I wished she was more like Denny’s parents, wished she would stay away if I’d asked. But she wouldn’t. She wanted to “be there for me.” And I hated it.
The closer we got to the bathroom, the more I started to lose grip on reality. Which is the best way I can think to describe it. I kept picturing the inside, the light tiles darkened with blood. Gunshots and screams. They were like sounds, but I knew I wasn’t hearing them. They were more in my mind than my ears. I could smell copper and gunpowder and the smoke from a cigarette. Every step toward that doorway pulled me further into these flashes of the past.
