“Of course you are,” I whispered, because the idea of saying that any louder felt too overwhelming. “But that doesn’t matter.”
He stared at me, downturned eyes unblinking, challenging me to answer unasked questions.
“Do you really want a girlfriend who might never want to sleep with you?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Hadn’t really thought about it before.”
“Well, I have,” I said. “Because I’ve lost one best friend already. I couldn’t take it if I lost you, too. Besides, I’m leaving in a few months. It’s a bad idea. We’re a bad idea.”
“Okay,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “For not telling you sooner, I mean. I talk so much about the truth being important, but I hid this and—”
“It’s fine,” he said quickly. Which, considering Miles never spoke quickly, did seem a little strange. He just shook his head, dark curls flopping around his pale face. “Don’t worry about it.”
“If you were serious before,” I said, “about it being okay to just go to prom as friends … I think I could do that.”
“I was serious,” he said. “So you’ll go?”
“Sure,” I said. “Just as friends. Everything else is off the table.”
He nodded. “Just friends. Like we’ve been for the past three years. Nothing changes.”
“Okay,” I said, though I still felt nervous. Even if Miles was okay with going to prom in a completely platonic way, I wasn’t sure if I could keep my own emotions in check. It wasn’t that spending an evening with him, dancing, wearing a nice dress, didn’t sound wonderful. It did. Too wonderful. Too easy to get caught up in the moment and let myself forget that our friendship needed to come first.
But I pushed that fear aside and sat back. We were going to prom together. That was settled, and if I just kept an eye on the boundaries, we might even have a great time.
“I guess this means I need a dress,” I said. “And you need a tux. That’ll be interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but T-shirts and hoodies.”
“Me either,” he admitted.
“I promise that if you look ridiculous, I won’t tell Denny.”
Miles chuckled. “Thanks.”
“It must be weird for him,” I said after a minute. “All this prom stuff. It’s hard for me without Sarah, but he losttwobest friends. And now all these big end-of-high-school things are happening without them.”
Miles nodded. “Yeah. I think I forget that sometimes. About Jared and Rosi.”
“Same. I mean, it’s not that I forget them so much as just, like … I don’t know. He’s always cracking jokes, making me smile when I get upset about missing Sarah. Maybe I’m just selfish, but it’s easy to forget he might miss his friends, too.”
“He doesn’t talk about them as much as you talk about Sarah,” Miles said. “We all gotta deal with this stuff differently.”
“Yeah, I know.” I reached for the door handle. “I’m just glad the three of us have each other at least. It will be tough going to things like prom and graduation without Sarah—and Jared and Rosi, I’m sure, for Denny—but at least we don’t have to deal with it alone, you know?”
He nodded, then opened his door.
Once we were out of my truck, I pulled out my cell phone and checked to see if I had any messages. But all I had was one from Mom, telling me she’d be home late. She’d picked up a second shift because the other manager was out sick. I sighed and put the phone back in my pocket.
Miles looked over the hood of the truck at me. He raised a single, questioning eyebrow.
“I was hoping to hear from Kellie,” I said. “I’ve texted and emailed, but she hasn’t responded.”
Miles shoved his hands into his pockets. “Sounds like she doesn’t wanna talk.”
“She will if she gives me a chance to explain my plan,” I said. “I’m worried she’s not even opening my emails because she sees my name and thinks I’m just harassing her like everyone else here did. She might hate me for not speaking up sooner. I just … I want to make it up to her. I want all of us to have our stories out there so it’s not just the McHales’ book about Sarah.”
“Maybe … she doesn’t want the truth out there.”
