I wanted to ignore him, but he kept going, whispering low enough that Coach Nolan couldn’t hear.
“I know you live with your grandma,” he said. “Is that because your parents are in jail? Junkies? My guess is meth.”
I know he was just trying to provoke me. He wanted a fight. He didn’t know me. Had no reason to hate me. And he was just taking a wild guess about my parents. Because he knew if anyone would rise to the bait and give him the fight he wanted, it’d be me. And he was right.
I jumped out of my seat and threw a punch right at his face.
He ducked and I missed, but I tried again. He was starting to stand up when Coach Nolan came behind me and grabbed my arm. “Enough,” he said before this asshole could get his swing in.
I shook Coach Nolan off and folded my arms.
He looked at me then. Completely disappointed. He didn’t say anything, but I knew what he was thinking. I’d been back a day, and I was already in trouble again. He was wondering if he should even bother with me anymore. That look hurt worse coming from him than it had from anyone else.
“Come on, Mr. Mason,” he said. “We’re going to the office. The rest of you, keep reading until the bell rings. I’ll be back shortly.”
We never made it to the office.
I followed him out of the classroom. He glanced at me once as he walked, then turned to face forward again. “You have to cut this crap out, Miles,” he said. “You’re a smart kid. You’ve got potential. I keep trying to show you that and you just keep messing it up.”
“Maybe quit trying, then,” I said.
He sighed. “Maybe I should.”
I shoved my hands into my pockets and stared down at my feet as we turned the corner.
We heard the gunshots a second later. They were coming from down the hallway, near the old computer lab. Coach Nolan sawbefore I did. For a second, we both froze. Then Coach Nolan started to run. Not away from the kid with the gun but toward him. He knew that kid had a gun. He knew he could get killed. But he ran forward anyway. To help.
Me? I just stood there.
Ashley was running at us. I still have nightmares about that moment. About the look of terror on her face. And how she fell, tumbling forward onto the floor. And the blood.
“Put down the gun!” Coach Nolan yelled. “Put it down! It’s not too—”
It’s not too late.I know that was what he was gonna say. It’s what he always said to me. It’s not too late to do better. To stop. To turn things around.
But it was, Lee. It was too late. Because before Coach Nolan could even finish that sentence, there were two bullet holes in his chest. I saw him freeze. Heard him gasp. I don’t know if it was from shock or pain. And then I watched him fall.
And you know what I did?
I ran.
I was gonna run into the bathroom. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. I thought maybe I could hide in a stall or something. But I’d only taken two steps when I tripped over Ashley and landed on top of her. He was still shooting, and I whispered to Ashley to shut up. I knew if I stood up, he’d probably shoot me, too. So I played dead on top of her.
I played dead while Coach Nolan bled out a few feet away.
I played dead whilewalked into the bathroom and started shooting.
While he shot at you, Lee.
Ashley told everyone I’d been trying to protect her. That’s not true, though. I was just trying to run. The whole time I was lying there, my heart was pounding so hard I thought my ribs would break. I kept thinking about how I’d get away, even if it meant leaving Ashley, how I could move without him seeing me. I didn’t hear what was going on in the bathroom. I didn’t hear anything but the voice in my head screaming at me that I needed to get out.
I wasn’t a hero. I was a coward.
And the worst part is, Coach Nolan would still be alive if I hadn’t been such a screwup. If I’d just listened to him. If I’d just ignored that kid behind me and not thrown a punch. If I’d tried a little harder to stay out of trouble, he’d be alive.
He wanted to help me when no one else thought I was worth saving. And if I’d just let him, he would never have been in that hallway.
I got him killed.
