“You are a wild animal disguised as a pious lady,” said Thibaut, gently kissing my neck. He looked up, his eyes glued to mine, and he added, “You just want to properly serve a good master, don’t you?” In another moment, he would lift my dress and fuck me on the armchair, but his words hit me and made me come to my senses.
“My lord!” I managed to cry. “Your Royal Highness, wait a moment!”
He stopped, but his face was still very close to mine.What kind of creature am I, really, that all I desire right now is to kiss these arrogant lips?All the unfulfilled lust for Jean was driving me crazy.
“You are right,” I told Thibaut quickly. “Maybe I really am like that. And if it were not for Jean, that is to say, Seigneur Jean, certainly I should be most pleased to … serve you,” I added, and in that moment, I spoke honestly. “But my soul is truly bound to the soul of your knight, your Royal Highness, and I should not wish to hurt him for any fortune in the world. And I am sure that you would not wish to insult him, sir, your Highness. Please, let me be.” I said this with my eyes half-closed, pleading.
“Very nice.” Thibaut smiled and stepped back. “Loyal too. Very good.”
I collapsed back onto the armchair, trembling.
“Was this a test?” I stuttered in dread and gritted my jaw to keep my teeth from chattering.
“Precisely,” said Thibaut and sat back down on the armchair before me, pleased with himself and smug as usual. “If you had not resisted, I should have taken great pleasure in our congress and then abandoned you to the mercy of the judgment of the Bishop of Acre.” The insufferable king winked at me. I picked up my cup of wine with trembling hands, then poured some for him. “And you can be sure that there is not much mercy in the judgment of that bloated wineskin,” Thibaut added, his cheeriness terrifying. It spurred me to finally speak.
“Your Royal Highness, I believe you are quite right and that I must leave the good Seigneur Jean alone and return to my world at once,” I said, still half stuttering as I tried to speak as fast as I could without him stopping me. “I do not wish to inconvenience Count Arsur, but perhaps you might recommend to me the shortest and safest way for me to return to my spring in Atl—in Le Destroit?”
I finished the wine in the clay cup and looked up. Thibaut smiled generously, pleased with my decision.
“I shall ensure your safe sailing passage in the company of a knight or two directly to the Pilgrim Castle. Today, or tomorrow at noon, you will be at your spring, if the wind is good.” I sighed with relief. “I thank you from the depths of my heart, your Royal Highness,” I said and meant it, but to myself, I added,you crazy motherfucker.
CHAPTER 23
I was lounging on Libby’s sofa under two fleece blankets, with a cup of tea and an ashtray full of roaches and cigarette butts beside me. Libby sat at the edge of the sofa, stroking my feet every so often. She offered me a hot water bottle, but I told her not to overdo it. There was an episode of some girl show on TV—a generic quartet of rebellious, neurotic, ambitious, and sexy young women in a hyper-stylized urban setting. Libby thought that the best way to lift my spirits would be to plow through all the seasons that I hadn’t gotten around to watching, and in a stupor, I immersed myself in their troubles of love and real estate.
My phone flashed. I had turned off the sound, but not the alerts.
“Don’t look at that,” Libby said. I didn’t. I kept staring at the TV screen. The phone kept flashing. I extracted one arm from beneath the blankets and brought the phone closer.
I had three missed calls from Halimi.Maybe something happened to Lily, I worried suddenly. I called back. He answered immediately.
“Ditush,” Halimi said quietly.
I was quiet before asking, “Is everything all right with Lily?” I knew that it was.
“She’s a little congested,” he said. “But she’s fine, she went to daycare today.”
“Okay, thanks,” I said, ready to hang up.
“Diti!” he said urgently. “Don’t you want to see her? When are you coming home?”
“I want to see her,” I said, even though that wasn’t exactly true at that exact moment. I missed Lily, but the thought of seeing her in this new status, with Halimi and I no longer a family, made me want to suffocate myself under the fleece blankets.
“Have you thought about the best way to move forward? The separation of powers?” I asked.
“I was thinking of something, Ditush,” he said, and my diaphragm contracted. “I thought about a lot of things,” he added, “but more than anything, I think we have to talk face-to-face.”
“Let him send you the synopsis,” said Libby, who heard everything.
“I’m really not up for that now, Halimi,” I said. “I’m exhausted.” I hung up and covered my head with the blanket.
I chewed my nails in front of the window. Thibaut had brought Philip again and this time sent him to bring another of his companions (“bring the little Burgundy”), an even younger attendant who looked eager to please.
“Go to the Templar fortress and say that you are bringing a message for the master from the King of Navarre.” Thibaut removed a ring from one of his fingers and placed it in the messenger’s hands. “When you are brought before him, tell him that, with utmost respect, His Majesty wishes to know if it is possible to allocate a small transit ship for his ward, who urgently needs to reach the Pilgrim Castle with a knight or two for escorts, or perhaps she can join some other trip that is already scheduled to leave today or tomorrow? Do not return without an answer. Do you understand?”
The youth nodded eagerly, bowed, and left. Thibaut’s eyes hung on Philip, who looked vaguely fatigued.
I wondered what his status was. I could not recall his family name or house from when Jean had introduced him before we departed LeDestroit. From what I knew about the European aristocracy, the personal servant of a king had to be of high status himself. What depressing humiliation that must be, to be a servant when you are accustomed to being served yourself.
