Maybethisis the moment I realize it’s truly over, because wrapped in his arms, laughing at his boyish enthusiasm, I feel nothing for him.
No sparks, no butterflies.
And also none of the darker shades of my former feelings. No jealousy, no bitter resentment.
He’s just an old friend hugging me for the first time in months.
I can’t tell if it feels like a goodbye hug or a hello.
“Calm down, I said I’d tell her—I can’t promise she’ll actually take you back.”
He assures me that’s fine, he just appreciates anything I can say to get her to at least text him. I pull away, but when I do, I happen to glance past Ellie to where Alex is standing in the doorway of the house. I smile, but then I register the expression on his face.
He looks absolutely devastated.
25
I race through the house, calling Alex’s name. I guess he doesn’t hear me, because he keeps pushing forward at a rapid pace. As he shoves past the bodies in his path, I realize that’s wishful thinking: He hears me, and the reason for his quickening pace is that he’s running away.
Sirens blare in my mind, drowning out all the sounds around me, drowning out any semblance of coherent thought. Panic races through my veins even though I can’t quite figure outwhythis is happening.
Is this because he saw me hugging Ellie?
I remember his strange words before I went to the backyard:You’re leaving me for him?
A week of weird behavior, of the vibe between us being ever so slightly off, of comments I can’t make sense of—it all culminates in this.
Alex is running away from me.
I push through the crowd with more fervor, screaming at people toMove, damn it, and not giving a single shit about the bewildered and irritated looks I’m shot in return. I catch sight of Cat, looking upset, but I can’t think through the implications of that and just how much I’ve messed up in this timeline because I’m busy with my own internal freak-out.
I see Alex go out the front door—my mental sirens blare louder, my blood pumps harder, because he’s actuallyleavingwithout even saying goodbye—and when I step outside, I find him already halfway across the lawn.
“Alex!” I call after him, and if this is a moment of truth, I finally have my answer.
He doesn’t stop, just confidently stalks forward. Away from me.
I call his name again—no response.
I go all in and run after him, trying to ignore the indignity ofrunningafter a man who wants nothing to do with me. Sierra would give me so much shit if she knew.
For half a second, I get the hysterical vision into my head of himalsostarting to run, until I’m chasing after him at full speed. He doesn’t do that, just keeps up his pace, allowing me to catch up to him. Or maybe he doesn’t realize I’m running after him until I grab his arm.
“Alex,” I say again. I go for a soft tone, but its effect is dampened by the fact that my breath is coming in pants.
Alex turns to me, looking every bit like a man defeated.
“What do you want, Joey?”
Is that really all it takes to defeat Alex Aquino? Me hugging someone else? The thought is so outrageous that I have the urge to laugh. But I can’t laugh, because it feels like I’m losing him. Like I’ve lost him. Also, I’m still struggling to catch my breath.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it matters. You’re just gonna leave me alone at a party without saying goodbye?”
I really want this to work out. I love him even though he’s been acting odd lately, even though he’s being mopey and jealous. That’s something we can work on. Iwantus to work this out.
