And she pretends she’s not into him.
She stands up from the desk she’s converted into a makeshift vanity and turns to me.
“I’m leaving. You need to get up.”
“I don’t wanna,” I grumble. It comes out more likeI ’on’ wann’.
“It’sfourp.m. It’s not healthy to sleep in this late.”
“I ’on’ wann’ be healthy,” I say to be stubborn, but really I’m shocked. I slept untilfour p.m.? I’ve never slept that late in my life except when I had COVID. And I did it on this shitty dorm mattress? And my back doesn’t even hurt? Eighteen-year-old bodies are wild. I catch her look and add, “Save your judgment for someone who wants it.”
“Nobody wants judgment,” she says with a snort.
“There are kinks for everything, Madison.”
“Gross.”
“I dunno—I heard Patrick is into some pretty out-there stuff,” I joke, and sit up. I’m only half joking. In a couple years, Madison and I will get over our sex-shame-y upbringings enough to start actually talking about this sort of thing.
I know more about Patrick’s inclinations in bed than I ever cared to.
“Like I said—gross,” she says. After a pause, she continues. “You didn’t actually hear that, did you? He doesn’t seem like—” I smile to show that I was kidding. Even though I wasn’t. There’s no need to scare the girl, and besides, she’ll be fully on board. “You’re fucking with me. Got it. And even if hewere, I wouldn’t need to know—we’re just friends.”
It sounds like she’s trying to convince herself.
“Mm-hmm. Sure.”
Madison frowns and comes over to sit next to me on the bed.
“Does it bother you that I’m going? ’Cause if it does—”
“It doesn’t,” I assure her.
“I don’t have to be friends with him. I barely know the guy—cutting ties would be easy.”
“Don’t. Patrick’s a good one.”
I don’t want Madison to cut Patrick off, not only because I know they end up together but also because she is now my only connection to Ellie.
The more I think about it, the more I suspect that Ellie ended up with Cat because she was smarter about it than me. She didn’t hang around him the way I did, always making herself available. She dated other guys, and even though she later said she’d always had a crush on Ellie, she made sureElliedidn’t know that, and in the end, he pursued her.
She made herself a scarce resource.
Sure, the analogy is a little gross. And, yes, I’m old enough that I shouldn’t feel the need to play silly games to get a boy’s attention. But when in Rome…
Maybe I came in too hot, sleeping with him right off the bat, but that’s okay. As much as it sucked to see him walk into the dining hallwith Cat yesterday, I know I have time. They don’t start dating until next year. I can fix this.
Ineedto fix this.
“A good one with terrible taste in friends,” Madison says.
“He doesn’t have terrible taste in friends.”
“Evidence suggests otherwise. Maybe I can talk to Patrick, try to gauge why Ellie didn’t call.”
“Don’t,” I groan. “Please don’t bring it up. I don’t want it to seem like I’m pining.”
“Aren’t you, kind of, though? Pining? I can put out feelers—”
