He’s silent for a long time. Long enough for me to wonder if I’ve said something wrong.
“This is the longest I’ve talked one-on-one with anyone in a while. The person I talk to most is Sam, who, as established, I know nothing about. How pathetic is that?”
“What about Ingrid?” I ask. Ineedthe reminder of his wife to be out there, hanging tangibly in the air between us, because every other aspect of this conversation is quickly endearing him to me, and even though I wouldn’t say I’m drunk, I’ve had enough to drink that I am now constantly, in the back of my mind, realizing just how attractive Alex is and marveling that I’ve never noticed it before.
“Ingrid and I don’t talk,” Alex says, his voice almost toneless. Betraying none of his feelings toward the words he’s just spoken. “Not for awhile now. Did you know the average age for a first divorce is thirty? I alwayswasan early bloomer.”
I’m about to say something that will undoubtedly be woefully unhelpful when my phone vibrates inside my purse. Alex waves as if to sayGo ahead. I look at the text and immediately regret doing so.
“It’s Ellie,” I tell him, staring down at the screen. “He’s wondering where I’ve run off to. Said he saved me a dance.”
Alex nods in sympathy. “We’re still here. We can always run back inside.”
There’s thatweagain.
“I don’t want to go back inside,” I mutter.
Something in my tone must give me away, tell him that it’s a little more than an unrequited crush or even unrequited love that’s keeping me firmly planted in his passenger seat.
“Is everything okay?” he asks carefully.
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
“You can tell me. You don’t have to—if you tell me to drop it, I will—but if you have something to get off your chest, I’m all ears. I talk to our mutual friends once or twice a year. I’m not about to spill any of your secrets.”
I don’t know why I decide to tell him when I haven’t told anybody, not even Madison.
“Almost a year ago, shortly after Ellie proposed to Cat, he and I went out. We got a little drunk.” I see Alex’s eyebrows arch in surprise—no judgment to be found anywhere on his face—and I jump to assure him, “Nothing happened. He wouldn’t—Iwouldn’t—
“Anyway, he confessed that he used to have feelings for me, early on when we first became friends. Just a crush, but… and then he laughed, ha-ha, isn’t that weird to think about now? And I somehow made myself laugh with him—yeah, that’s so weird.
“We met the same night he and Cat met. Did you know that? I fellfor him almost immediately, but nothing ever came of it. All these years, I’ve thought it was because it was one-sided. That he never felt the same way. But to know that he might have—it just sucks. It sucks, and I think I would have been better off never knowing.
“Neither of us has brought it up since, but part of me hasn’t stopped wondering:Does he know how I feel about him?I don’t kid myself that I’ve been subtle. I mean,youknow, and Cat probably knows. Madison knows I used to feel that way, but I think I’ve convinced her it’s over.
“But if hedoesknow, then what the hell kind of game was he playing? Why mention it?”
“That asshole,” Alex mutters. He looks absolutely furious on my behalf.
“You shouldn’t call him an asshole at his own wedding.”
“We’re not at his wedding. We’re in the parking lot outside. It’s totally different.”
“Is that eye for technicalities the skill that made you a billionaire?”
“I’m not a billionaire.”
“So I’m thinking a few years ahead. My question stands.”
“Wasit actually a question? It felt more like a sarcastic remark.”
“What can I say, I’m a good multitasker.”
“You’re a gooddeflectoris what you are. We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about what an asshole Ellie is.”
I should defend Ellie. I know I should. But for the first time in all the years I’ve known him, I can’t find it in me. “What else is there to say?” I ask.
“Oh, not much. Except that him saying that to you was absurdly selfish.”
