I arrive at the Hilton Inn early. Last night, the second I touched her tan skin, I felt alive. Now that I’ve felt her, held her, I find myself craving her. The woman is like crack; I cannot be without it now that I’ve become addicted.
My plan is as simple as rebuilding a carburetor — or not simple at all. I have to try to make Liz see how I feel about her. It was basically a huge mistake to not tell her when I had the chance. I plan to right that mistake. Liz can make her choice, and no one would fault her for that; but how can she make her best choice without knowing all her options? I can’t let this go unspoken. I won’t.
I am convinced Liz felt the connection I felt last night. I’m sure she couldn’t ignore the sparks flying between us any more than I could. Every passing second of delay feels like losing her all over again. My chest tightens with the weight of all the months we’ve spent apart. I have high hopes that this will be a night I will not forget.
The room is filling up with people. Some of them I recognize instantly, others make me glad someone thought to require people to wear stick-on name tags. After the event goes thirty minutes beyond its official start time, I begin to consider leaving. I’m actually headed toward the door when she walks in.
Liz is wearing a navy blue dress and navy blue flats. The dress stops just above her perfect knees and has a modest square neckline. Her arm is looped through the arm of a man I assume is Matt. He is dressed nicely in a navy blue suit jacket and pants with a light green shirt. I immediately head for the pair, tired of playing the nice guy at every opportunity.
“Ben, it’s nice to see you,” Liz says. Her voice is clear, even. Her brown eyes are locked onto mine. “Matt, this is my friend, Ben. Ben, my boyfriend, Matt.”
I reach out and shake the waiting hand of Matt. I can’t help but notice the man is a full head taller than me. I use the excuse of taking my arm back to stand a little straighter. “Pleasure to meet you, Matt,” I say, but my eyes quickly return to the beautiful woman he’s brought with him tonight. I’m sure by her confident smile I was right about her feelings last night. I feel a flash of hope, and terror, crashing through me at once.
“Is that a British accent I hear? Where are you living now?” Matt asks.
“I’m from London,” I explain, tearing my eyes from Liz’s stunning face. “I was actually in the exchange program at West; I’ve returned home since then.”
“Oh yeah? Interesting. I’ve never been out of the country myself. Oh, excuse me.” Matt looks down at something in his pocket.
I use the opportunity to further analyze Liz’s appearance. She is watching the phone in Matt’s hand with something that can only be described as disgust.
“I need to take this, excuse me.”
Just like that, the intrusion is gone. I silently thank whomever the other person who needed Matt’s attention just then was and reach my hand out to Liz. “Shall we?” I ask. Music has been playing while I waited, and it suddenly seems like the perfect excuse to have her in my arms again. She accepts, as I knew she would, and I steer her to a close section of the dance floor.
I wrap my arms around her gorgeous waist and dive into what I hope will be an eloquent beginning to a conversation.
“About last night—”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about the way I reacted.”
So much for eloquence. “No worries. Are you okay?”
“Yes, thank you. Ben, can we talk about February?”
“Yes.” Of course we can. Let’s talk about what a huge ass I made of myself. Let’s talk about the months of silence, the missed chances, the sleepless nights. I take it all back. Let’s tell Matt to bugger off and try to make a go of this long-distance thing. Actually, scratch that. Let’s find me a job in Arizona. I’m ready.
“Good,” she sighs heavily, “I was mad.”
That is not a good start. Quickly I jump in. “I know. Sorry.”
“No, no.”
This woman continues to interrupt. I take the hint; she has something important to say. I can pour my heart out when she’s finished.
“I’ve actually been thinking. I hated the way you did it but you were right.”
What? Did she just say I was right? I was wrong, though.
“I do have feelings for you.”
Oh, good. Continue.
“If you were here, we could be so happy.”
My heart swells. We really could be happy, couldn’t we?
“But you aren’t. There is no way that I can imagine us working and no way I can be happy while I’m divided. I owe it to myself, to Matt, to try. I cannot be distracted by what isn’t.”
