Ben: True. But most.
Liz: Really? People actually said body is more important?
Ben: Very few admitted it when I asked. Most only revealed it when I asked them to name three important traits. Nearly everyone had at least one physical trait. More than half had two. I shouldn’t be too shocked, though—it matches what I hear in the pubs and such.
Liz: Interesting. I’d bet most people don’t really know what they want.
Ben: What makes you say that?
Liz: Just a thought I had after we hung up. If you’ve never had something that feels right, how would you know you want it? How would I know I want someone funny unless I’ve actually laughed with them?
Ben: That’s a solid point.
Liz: Let’s turn the tables for a second. Body or mind?
Ben: Hahaha, mind.
Liz: Name the three most important qualities.
I’d asked a hundred people the same question. Some hesitated, some knew exactly what they wanted. But me? I had no clue. Sure, I knew what worked and what didn’t. I wanted someone sweet like Angelica, a girl I dated back in primary school. Daring, like Emily. Funny, like Bethany.
But I also had a long list of what didn’t work. I didn’t want someone who’d tolerate me being a knobhead just because I was fit, like the girl at the pub. But I did want someone who’d call me out when I was being a dick. That was the thing about Liz—without even knowing me well, she was already calling me out, and I didn’t hate it.
Ben: Sweet, daring, honest.
Liz:
Good choices. Now, explain them.
Ben: Sweet to me, and also to my mates. Someone I can trust to spare my feelings when possible, but isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m being a prick. Someone who’s generally not a bitch. Daring enough to try new things—food, activities, films, whatever. Honest with me about the little things that bug her, so I can sort them out.
Liz: Good answers. But what if she had all those qualities... but wasn’t someone you’d normally find attractive?
I pictured her right then, all those qualities rolled into one. Someone who was sweet and funny, who wouldn’t hesitate to call me out when I was being a tosser. I imagined spending time with her, laughing, talking... and the answer seemed so simple.
Ben: If she had all that, she’d be the most beautiful woman in the world.
Liz: That’s sweet. So what’s the problem?
Ben: Finding her.
Liz: Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places.
I thought about the places I’d just been looking, and the results. She had a point.
Ben: Where are the right places?
Liz: Anywhere, I suppose. It’s about the approach. You’ve got to keep your eyes open. Talk to everyone you meet, but always be on the lookout for the answers your perfect woman would give. Could be a girl at a coffee shop or something, but if you never start a conversation with her, how would you know?
Ben: That’s a solid point.
Liz: Feeling better?
Ben: Actually, yeah. How did you know what to say?
Liz: I figured you wanted to talk about girls, because I’m a girl. What else would you need me for?
Ben: Well, thanks.
