Liz: What’s that about? Are you gay?
That was not the first time someone had asked me that when I talked about Liz. I resisted the urge to text back something cutting—something Liz would definitely see when she got her phone back. Instead I chose not to respond at all.
A few minutes later, my phone buzzed again.
Liz: I am so sorry. The dirtbag took my phone out of my purse and went through it.
Ben: Liz?
Liz: Yes, it’s me. I’m so sorry.
Ben: It’s okay. It was a bit weird. Where is he now?
Liz: Probably still at the bar. I left.
Ben: Good thing you brought your own car.
Liz: Absolutely. I’m sitting in it right now. I’m going to drive home though. Text you when I get there?
Ben: Please do.
Clearly that man was not Mr. Charming. When these are the kinds of guys who are my competition, you can see why I didn’t feel too badly about what Liz and I were doing. But I promised myself: if someone came along who really had all three of her qualities, I’d tell her. I’d risk everything.
In all those years, it never happened.
Instead I found myself cleaning up the pieces of her shredded heart after each and every one of the scum who possessed only two, one, or the excruciating none of her qualities. There were men who began as friends, men who were set-ups, men who lasted awhile but inevitably ruined it. Some knew about me, some didn’t. A few I even liked, for a time—until they proved me right.
When Matt was first mentioned, I wasn’t nervous at all.
Ben: Isn’t it weird though? Being the only girl in that locker room. I’ve been in men’s locker rooms. We are disgusting.
Liz: HAHAHA it used to be, honestly. Since Matt joined the team they’re more reserved. He’s sweet, he keeps their conversations from getting out of hand.
Automatically my brain latched on to the indicator word. Sweet. Also known as charming. I made a mental tick in the appropriate box. But I also felt a prickle of something else—a presence. Like this Matt character was going to be more than just a background player. Funny how right I turned out to be.
Ben: Who’s Matt?
Liz: The new center. He replaced Alex.
Ben: Oh, that’s right. I forgot Alex left.
Alex, the egotistical, girl-crazy sweet-talker. Liz had seen right through him. It was brilliant.
Liz: Yup. It’s cool, he fits in well with the team.
Ben: Good.
And that was it. Matt disappeared back into the background.
Life went on as usual. Liz and I were both single, which wasn’t always the case, so we were occasionally more adult in our conversations. Over the years Liz was only willing to be dirty if she was single, which was fine with me. I never pushed it. After the bar-date phone incident, I was actually more hesitant than before. I started asking for pictures instead; she usually complied.
When I had the house to myself, we’d Skype or call—it was easier than texting. And I started to fantasize about being with Liz. Not just online. Really. I caught myself scrolling job postings in Arizona, wondering.
Had it gone on a bit longer, I might have even found the courage to tell her.
Chapter 8
Liz, February 25
