“Yeah,” I say, grabbing it and pulling myself up.
Deanna looks at me the way she did on that walk around her block, like she was the happiest she’d ever been.
“Are we okay?” I ask. “Is that it?”
“You in a rush to get to the rest?”
I smile again.
“Yeah, we’ll get to it,” she says.
“Yeah, we will. I look forward to it,” I say.
She pushes the door open with one hand and pulls me through with the other.
Then
Tanya’s discharge date just happens to fall on the day before mine, and the unit is really excited for her to go home. She has been here almost two years for stealing a bunch of money, a TV, and some other expensive stuff. I think the staff is happy to be rid of trouble and the girls are happy to be rid of drama.
Tanya seems less excited about leaving than everyone else and I can’t say I don’t get it. As the days go by, I get more and more nervous about being outside, and about the expectations that come with it. I can barely follow the rules in here. How am I going to make sure my mom isn’t ready to send me back every day?
Ms. Bree said I could miss Tanya’s breakfast since mine is tomorrow, but I don’t want to rain on her parade. Instead, I take my time getting ready before making my way to the dining room, where Tanya is giving a speech. I slide into an open seat in the back and put two pieces of French toast on my plate. One of the girls glares at me when I ask her to pass the syrup. She shoves it across the table before quickly turning back to Tanya, who is rattling off the ingredients of the shepherd’s pie her mom’s making tonight. I tune the story out and let my racing thoughts take over.
I don’t talk to Amari, and I can tell it’s driving her crazy. It’sno better for me, either. I’m afraid to get in any more trouble, so even when she tries, I don’t engage. I miss our old routine of passing notes and sharing a notebook of poems and undetected adventures, but look where that got me.
I take a bite of French toast and can’t even concentrate on chewing it. I spit it out.
“Jasmine, seriously?” Ms. Bree interrupts my thoughts from behind me. “Eat faster. I let you come to this late. You can’t be late to class.”
I push the food around some more. “Do I have to?”
“You absolutely do,” she says with a chuckle. “Last day or not.”
I peek over at her. “No one’s even gonna miss me.”
She sighs. “Eat, Jasmine. We’re leaving in ten minutes.”
Samantha taps my shoulder a few moments later as the dining room clears out. “Youactuallyhave to leave tomorrow or this is gonna be sad,” she says.
“Uggghhhhhhhhh,” I groan, but I’m happy to hear her voice. She finally gets to move back on the unit tonight since Tanya’s bed is open.
As Ms. Bree calls for us to join the line, Samantha puts a note in my hand.
“What’s this?”
“Something I’m only giving you because you’ve been sulking. You should throw it away.”
I tell her I appreciate her even bringing it to me because if she got caught with it, we’d both be in trouble.
“Whatever, throw it out with the plate,” she says.
I take another bite of the cold French toast before tossing it. The dining room is empty except for me and a few balloons. Tanya took her banner to decorate the locker at her new school.
I squeeze the note in my palm and consider reading it. ThenI take Samantha’s advice and drop it in the trash. I’m not taking any more risks.
“Jasmine, now!” Ms. Bree yells.
I walk quickly to join the line. Amari looks for me and smiles when she sees me at the back.
