Destiny lets out a disapproving sniff.Fine.Evelyn, let's be completely honest here.You are a good candidate for our sorority...on paper.You're good-natured, well-mannered, and scholastically strong.But maybe it's all that home-schooling—you remind me of that show where the woman grows up in a bunker and has zero knowledge of real life.
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt!calls out Jordan, clapping her hands.
It's not trivia night, Jordan.Angelica sighs and turns to me.What we're saying is that we can help you with the externals: fashion, beauty, socializing.By the time we're done, you'll fit right in here.And once you’re a member of Alpha Z, your entire life at Monarch will go smoothly.You'll have your choice of extracurriculars, social events, boyfriends.We have scholastic resources too.Seriously, this is an offer any freshman on campus would kill for.
The idea of fitting in shimmers in front of me like an oasis.I'm tired of being invisible and odd, and I do want to be part of Alpha Z.Not only will it make my mother happy, but it's also a chance for me to have the life I fantasized about for years.
Then reality hits me like an anvil.I don't think I can break someone's heart.I mean, nobody has ever fallen for me.Not even close.
Don't worry, we all know what this guy likes.Intimately.We'll teach you everything, and he'll be an easy mark,Destiny reassures me.
Intimately?Wait, do I have to have sex with him?Because that's not the way I've pictured my first time.I start to hyperventilate a little.
Could you tell me a bit more about why he's such an awful person?I ask.Am I looking for motivation, or a way to get out of this situation?
Destiny’s eyes narrow, and she throws back her hair.He makes you fall for him and then dumps you.
Mia speaks for the first time.To be fair, he does warn you beforehand that he doesn't do relationships.
Destiny scowls.His definition of a relationship is very selfish, though.It's whatever suitshim.And why does he work so hard to do things that make women fall for him?He made me feel like I was special and different—that he didn't really mean what he had said initially.But as soon as I crossed some arbitrary line, then bang, it was over.
She slams her palm on the coffee table at the wordbang, and we all jump.
Mia persists.Is that his fault, though?
Whose side are you on, anyway?I thought you were behind this idea,Destiny demands, and the others nod.If you're out like Alexa, then just go.
Mia's pretty cheeks flush and she looks down.No, of course I'm on your side.I’m just seeing things from Evelyn's perspective...Her soft voice trails off.
Of course I'm familiar with the literary figure of the cad who cuts a swath through the female population until he finally loses his heart to the pure heroine.But I didn’t think they existed in real life.
I feel trepidation at my responsibility.If he fooled all of you—and you're much more sophisticated than I—how will I not fall for him?
Good question.Angelica nods and turns to Destiny.
Well, I have a couple of ideas around that.Is there a type of guy you're attracted to?
I consider this.My ideal boyfriend would be an all-American boy, a Californian who's tanned, blonde, and relaxed.I stumble around in my description until Jordan demands,Is there a celebrity you like?
Oh.Well, Robert Redford inThe Way We Were.
Everyone stares at me blankly and then picks up their phones and searches.How can I explain that the few movies I've seen were on my great-grandmother's VCR when I visited Minnesota?That my internet usage has been restricted my whole life?
Holy.That movie is from 1973,Jordan finally says.But sure, he's hot.Or was hot then, he must be old by now.
Or dead,Mia suggests cheerfully.
Destiny snorts.Okay, Bunker Girl, I think you'll be immune to V— this guy's charms, but if you like we can find you someone who looks like this to date secretly while you do this.That should keep you safe.
Oh, I don't think I could datetwopeople at once.I'm going to have enough trouble datingoneperson.
Fine.But let us know right away if you're softening towards him, and we'll coach you.I mean, you're already armed with the knowledge of how awful he is, so that will help.
I inhale, then ask my next big question.Um, you mentioned intimacy before.So, are you expecting me to be intimate with him?Because there’s no way I could do that.
Destiny shakes her head.No, no, we just want you to lead him on.Get him interested, go on a few dates, and then dump his ass so he knows exactly how it feels to be rejected.It’s never happened to him before.
Heisreally good in bed, though,Jordan volunteers.It might be fun for you.
