We catch up on each other’s news—not that much since we spoke three days ago, but then I have to get to class.
I don’t want to hold you up, darling,she says softly.
For a moment, I catch a glistening in her eyes even through the tiny screen.Is she crying?
Is everything okay, Mom?I peer at her, but she’s smiling now.
Of course.Good luck on your sorority bids.
I tense.Part of me wishes that she had forgotten about that, but my mother is extremely sharp.
Thanks.Love you,I say before we disconnect.
My classes go by quickly.My mood zigzags; first I’m engrossed in my lectures, and then worried about the bids.But superstitiously, I refuse to check my email.If it’s bad news, I don’t want to be distracted from my coursework.I delay until I’m back in my room.
Annie is waiting there.She tries to hide her excitement, but I can tell.
You got into Sigma Phi?I ask.
She grabs me, and we jump up and down.Oh my god, I’m so happy.Did you check your emails yet?
I shake my head, then sit down at my desk and open up my laptop.I scan my emails.There’s one from Sigma Phi…and nothing else.I click on the email.
I got into Sigma Phi too,I say.
Annie hugs me from behind.Oh, that’s so awesome.Now we can be friends forever!
While I’m elated to hear her say that, I’m also upset about not making the sorority of my choice.
I try to smile properly, but I’m not fooling Annie.Wait.Are you disappointed about Alpha Zeta Mu?
A little,I admit.
Evelyn.Reality check.Did you really feel comfortable there?she demands.
I consider this.I could imagine myself among the sorority sisters, but in my fantasies, I was a super version of myself: better groomed and more self-assured.
I know it was a dream, but it seemed possible,I say haltingly.
She sighs.I felt out of place there.Like my clothes weren’t the right brands or expensive enough.Everyone there had been in the top cliques in their high schools.I was definitely not one of the cool girls back home.
I was,I joke.Being home-schooled meant that I was both the coolest and nerdiest girl in the school.The jock, the artiste, the prom queen, and all the other high school caricatures rolled up in one.
Annie scoffs.You don’t know what it feels like to have the mean girls look down on you.Or to ridicule you with their subtle insults.‘Where did you get thoseuniqueshoes, Annie?’
Did you think they were putting us down when we visited Alpha Zeta Mu?As an only child, I tend to be trusting and oblivious.
Annie makes a face.No, they weren’t mean, but they were so uniformly polite that it felt fake.Like they’d already made up their minds within five seconds of meeting us so they didn’t have to get to know anyone further.And they didn’t have to sell us because they know they’re the most desirable sorority.
I’d interpreted their politeness as niceness, and the fact that they treated everyone the same as meaning we all had an equal chance.
Are you really upset?she asks.
I shake my head.I don’t want to admit how much this hurts.College is just starting, and it already feels like I’m failing.
Do you want to go down for dinner now?she asks.
Um, you know what?I think I’m going to skip dinner and go to the library,I say.
