While we work out, Benny and Caz do the same. It’s clear from the way she moves that the scribe has been trained in combat, though she’s rusty.
After Kyor is done training with me, he stalks over to Ruben and chucks him a sword.
‘Really?’ Ruben comments. ‘You remember how this went last time, right?’
‘I’m going to teach you,’ Kyor growls back. ‘And you’re going to learn. You fought well against the wolves, but you made mistakes. Mistakes could get Rose killed.’
To my surprise, Ruben doesn’t bother with a retort. Instead, he nods and stands, taking the proffered sword. ‘Fine.’
‘Fine.’
The next hour is excruciatingly uncomfortable as both men visibly fight to keep their tempers. Kyor corrects Ruben again and again, and Ruben grits his teeth, changing his stance as per Kyor’s barked instructions. For all Kyor’s shortness, I can see how quick a learner Ruben is. And how good he could become.
‘Better,’ Kyor finally says. Caz and Benny have finished their own workout, and now they’re talking quietly by the fire, so I’m the only one left watching. ‘We’re done for the night.’
Ruben flashes me a smile, but rather than making a beeline for me, he heads across to Benny and Caz. Ruben has always been good at kindling a friendship.
His exit leaves Kyor and me alone.
The silence that follows Ruben’s absence feels wrong – too thick, heavy. Like something is still watching us. Waiting. I look around but see nothing. After the day we’ve had, a little paranoia is probably to be expected.
Shivering, I push my fanciful imagination aside and make my way over to where Kyor stands by Elska.
‘Thank you,’ I say begrudgingly. ‘For helping Ruben.’ The lessons might one day save his life, and we all know it.
‘I didn’t do it for him,’ he says, turning to look at me.
The unspoken part of his words lingers on my skin like goosebumps. He did it for me.
In the silence, his eyes remain on me with a look of such complete and utter longing that it makes my heart want to stop.
How does he do it? How does he look at me in such a way that it makes the rest of the world disappear? In a way that has my heartbegging me to forgive him? But I can’t. Not when that’s the very part of me I’m trying to save.
The fact that he might be acting like a decent human being for five minutes doesn’t change anything between us. All the same, I can’t bring myself to just walk away, so when he sits down, I follow and I sit next to him.
It doesn’t mean anything,I tell myself as I note the distance between our knees and how little effort it would take for me to move my hand so that it lands against his.
As I try to convince myself of the normality of the situation, I draw in a long inhale, only for my lungs to fill with the aroma of vanilla. An internal groan threatens to vocalise. Godsdamn it, that scent. It’s enough to unravel me. But I can hate him and still appreciate the fact that he smells ridiculously good, right?
That’s the idea, but as much as I wish it didn’t, that single inhale is all it takes to send my mind back to the Retterheld. Memories of us fighting and sweating … me, pinned under his hips … hearts pounding …
No.
I force myself into sanity. That is not what I want. He’ll never choose me. He’s already said as much. He’s a liar – a manipulator – and I deserve better. Elska lets out a low growl as I try to steel my emotions, and I realise I’ve shifted so far back I’m almost leaning on her.
‘Oh bite me,’ I snip back. ‘You don’t scare me now. Youlikeme.’
She gnashes her teeth, snapping at the air. Her teeth are a fair distance from me, but it’s still enough to make my heart rate accelerate.
Okay, maybe she doesn’t like me quite as much as I thought.
‘She won’t bite you,’ Kyor assures me. ‘She does like you. And she’s not growling at you. She’s uneasy.’
‘Because of the wolves.’
‘Among other things,’ he replies.
Elska gives him a baleful glance, annoyed at having her feelings discussed. Her ears flick towards the dark, and another low grumble rumbles from her, making the fine hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. If a dire wolf of her size is scared, then any rational person should feel the same.
