“I don’t believe I am.” Hawthorne took a sip of his drink and lowered it to his lap. “What’s troubling you?”
Experience had taught William that it was impossible to lie to his friend, so he might as well just tell him the truth. “I was thinking about Eleanor.”
“Your sister?”
“Yes,” William said. “I couldn’t help but wonder what type of woman she would have become.”
“She would have been remarkable.”
William grimaced. “I believe so, but she was robbed of that opportunity because of me.”
“Her death was not your fault.”
“I brought influenza home from Eton,” William said. “If I hadn’t come home for a holiday, then she would have never gotten sick.”
“You couldn’t have known that there had been an outbreak at Eton.”
“I started feeling sick on the carriage ride to our country estate,” William said. “I shouldn’t have continued home.”
“Then your mother would have worried incessantly.”
William tightened his hold on his glass. “It would have been better than killing my own sister.”
“You didn’t kill your sister,” Hawthorne said.
“Why does it feel like I did?”
Hawthorne’s eyes held compassion as he said, “If I recall correctly, you barely survived, and it took you weeks to recover.”
“I should have died with Eleanor.”
“Then your mother would have lost everything,” Hawthorne said.
William’s face softened at the thought of his mother. “That would have devastated her.”
“It would have devastated anyone,” Hawthorne replied. “A mother is not supposed to outlive her children.”
“Or her husband. My father died just a few months before Eleanor passed.”
“I can’t even imagine what a difficult time that must have been for her, for both of you.”
William took a sip, then said, “I was more devastated by Eleanor’s death than I was for my father.”
“Why was that?”
“He was hardly around, so he was more of a stranger to me,” William admitted. “When we did speak, it was uncomfortable and seemed contrived.”
“You are not alone in that.”
“I know, but he was so busy that he failed to prepare me to take over the estate,” William said. “Fortunately, my mother handled the running of it until I finished university.”
“Your mother was a formidable woman.”
“That she was,” William agreed.
A clock chimed in the corner, alerting them of the time.
Hawthorne put his glass down and rose. “I should be going,” he said. “We are attending the opera this evening.”
