A flicker of uncertainty passed over Lord Hilgrove’s usually confident expression. “May I accompany you?” he asked quickly, almost anxiously. “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to refuse him, but she saw the vulnerability in his eyes and it touched her, more than she cared to admit. “I would greatly enjoy that,” she replied. And that was the truth. Which frightened her even more.
Lord Hilgrove held his hand out for the basket. “May I?”
Edwina relinquished her hold on the basket, and they began to walk down the path. She wanted to say something clever, but she was at a loss as what to say. In fact, she couldn’t think of anything to say. Her mind was befuddled with him standing so close.
Fortunately, Lord Hilgrove seemed more at ease and spoke up. “I hope you do not mind, but I rode to your special spot in the woodlands.”
“It is not mine,” she responded. “It is a place for anyone to enjoy.”
“You are most gracious.” He tilted his head back to admire the clear blue sky. “It is shaping up to be a beautiful day, is it not?”
“Yes, quite lovely,” she readily agreed. The weather was a safe and mundane topic of conversation.
Lord Hilgrove brought his gaze back to meet hers. “I washoping to revisit our conversation from last night.” He hesitated before asking, “Do you truly believe that Arabella’s death was not my fault?”
The way he spoke his words caused her to pause and something stirred inside of her. They were spoken with such raw emotion, as if he were baring his soul.
Edwina came to a stop and turned to face him. “With my whole heart, I believe it was not your fault.”
Lord Hilgrove looked away, but not before she caught a glimpse of deep pain in his eyes. His voice was low and filled with sorrow as he shared, “Arabella was increasing when she died. I didn’t just lose her that day… I lost my future.”
Unable- or unwilling- to stop herself, Edwina stepped closer and gently placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry,” she said, at a loss for any other words. He was hurting, and she wished she had the words that would ease his burden.
“No one knew about the baby but us,” Lord Hilgrove shared, his eyes growing moist. “It was our secret.”
Edwina remained silent, patiently waiting for him to continue if he chose to.
His jaw clenched tightly as he revealed, “It wasn’t long after her death that I received word that my brother had died.”
“Oh, my,” she gasped. “How awful.”
“I lost everything I held dear in a short period of time,” Lord Hilgrove admitted, his voice trembling with emotion. “And now, I have nothing left to live for.”
Before she thought through the repercussions of her actions, she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. “I understand,” she murmured. “But it will get better. You must take each day as it comes.”
Resting his chin atop her head, Lord Hilgrove let out a heavy sigh. “I have been trying, but the pain lingers. A constant companion of what I have lost.”
“When my father died, I walked around in a haze, unableto believe that he was truly gone. A part of me had been ripped away and I felt as if I had nothing to give,” Edwina shared. “No one could console me, and I felt alone. So utterly alone.”
Edwina continued. “My family tried to help me, as did my friends. But grief is a journey that one must make alone. And not everyone comes out a victor.”
Lord Hilgrove took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling. “How is it that you are not falling apart right now? Your father only died four months ago.”
“Four months and seven days,” Edwina murmured. “It is a day that I am unlikely to forget. No one teaches you how to watch your father die. Nor does anyone teach you how to say a final goodbye.”
“I held Arabella’s hand as she passed, and I continued to hold it for much longer after that. I just couldn’t seem to let her go,” Lord Hilgrove shared.
Edwina felt tears form in the back of her eyes and she blinked them away. “Moments like those are so monumental that it changes everything.”
Lord Hilgrove grew silent. Finally, after a long moment, he said, “You do understand.” The relief in his voice was palpable.
“I do,” she confirmed, her heart aching for him.
“What a pair we make,” he remarked. “Where do we go from here?”
Edwina felt a tear slip down her cheek. “We move forward, remembering the loved ones that are no longer with us.”
