“For what?” he asked.
She placed a hand on his sleeve. “For whatever it is that has happened to you.”
He turned his gaze towards her, his eyes hard and searching. “Why do you suppose something has happened to me?” he half-asked, half-demanded.
“Am I wrong?” she asked softly.
Lord Winston’s chest heaved as if he were trying to control a storm of emotions. He dropped her gaze and returned to staring straight ahead, the reins slackening slightly in his grip.
The silence between them stretched, heavy with unspoken words. Mattie could see the internal battle waging within him, the vulnerability he so desperately tried to hide. She had never seen him like this, so raw and exposed. It made her heart ache for him in a way she hadn’t anticipated.
Chapter Five
Winston did not want to have this conversation with anyone, much less Miss Bawden. He had regretted agreeing to this carriage ride the moment he had laid eyes on her. Despite their truce, he found this situation unbearable.
The very thought of her presuming to understand him, or what he had been through, filled him with irritation. How dare Miss Bawden assume she knew anything about him? She knew nothing of his struggles, yet she looked at him with compassion, or worse, with pity. No. He didn’t want her pity.
He was a successful barrister, achieving something significant in his life. He wouldn’t allow her to minimize his burdens or reduce him to someone deserving of sympathy. The anger bubbled inside of him at that thought.
What was worse, though, was that her hand was still on his sleeve, and he didn’t want her to remove it. The touch was comforting, reminding him of a time when they weren’t so at odds with one another. A time when they had shared more than just insulting words and icy glares.
But she had rejected him.
The memory of that night, when he had laid his heart bare only for her to turn away, was still fresh in his mind.Winston couldn’t let her back in, not for any reason. His heart became impenetrable, fortified against the likes of Miss Bawden. He couldn’t afford to be vulnerable again, especially not with her.
Miss Bawden removed her hand from his sleeve and glanced up at the sky. “The sun is relentless today,” she said. “Perhaps we should turn back around.”
“As you wish,” Winston said as he turned the team around.
In a soft voice, Miss Bawden asked, “Did I say something wrong, my lord?”
Yes.
Everything out of her mouth was maddening.
Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to remain civil, acknowledging the truce that they had between them. “Your concern is noted, but unnecessary. I assure you, I am quite capable of managing my affairs.”
Her eyes widened slightly. “I wasn’t implying otherwise,” she replied. “I merely wished to offer a listening ear, should you need it.”
Winston’s jaw tightened. “I do not require your pity or your concern. My burdens are mine alone to bear.”
“Pity?” she repeated, a touch of indignation in her voice. “You misunderstood me. I never meant to imply that you were incapable. I only wanted to…”
“To what?” he interrupted, his tone harsh. “To comfort me? To make me feel better? You cannot possibly understand what I have been through.”
A tense silence followed his words.
After a long moment, Miss Bawden said, “Perhaps not, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.”
“Care?” he huffed. “Are you capable of caring?”
Miss Bawden stiffened. “I thought we had a truce between us,” she muttered.
For a moment, Winston felt a pang of regret, but hequickly buried it. He couldn’t afford to let his guard down, not again. “I appreciate your concern, but it is unnecessary,” he said, his voice holding the usual cold detachment that he used for Miss Bawden. “Quite frankly, I think it might be best if we rode in silence.”
Miss Bawden nodded, her expression resigned. “As you wish, my lord.”
As the team traveled down the road, Winston kept his gaze straight ahead, determined to keep his emotions in check. He had built walls around his heart for a reason, and he wouldn’t allow anyone—especially not Miss Bawden—to breach them.
