He stared at her, his heart pounding. The sincerity in her eyes gave him a sliver of hope he had not felt in years. “Why do you care so much about me?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Because you are someone worth caring about,” Mattie said.
Winston’s eyes grew moist, and he blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. For the first time in a long while, he felt the possibility of redemption, of finding peace. He gave Mattie’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Thank you, for everything,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
As they stood there, hand in hand, Winston realized that he was in trouble. He had made the terrible mistake of letting Mattie in once again. Now he didn’t want to let her ever go. The feelings that he had buried deep down had now resurfaced with a vengeance, and he knew he was helpless against them.
Winston dropped her hand and took a step back. “I… um… should walk you home now,” he said, his voice far too formal for the conversation they had just shared.
A line between Mattie’s brow appeared. “Is something wrong, Winston?”
Yes.
Everything was wrong.
He loved her.
Glancing up at the sky, Winston said, “It is growing late in the day and I do not wish to keep you.”
“I do not mind?—”
“But I do,” Winston responded, gesturing towards the direction of her cottage. “I have work that I need to see to.”
Mattie tipped her head, but not before he saw the look ofconfusion on her features. He didn’t fault her for such a reaction. He was rather confused himself. He had fought so hard to not love Mattie. But he couldn’t deny it any longer. Loving her was like breathing. And that is what scared him the most.
As Mattie started walking towards her cottage, Winston felt like such a fool. She had given him the greatest gift: the promise of redemption. Yet he thanked her by dismissing her. But what was he supposed to do? It wasn’t as if he could confess his love for her and hope she felt the same way.
No.
He had tried that before and failed. He should just be grateful that Mattie was in his life… as a friend.
Mattie glanced over at him with uncertainty in her eyes. “Did I say or do something to upset you?”
Now Winston felt like a jackanapes. “You did nothing wrong.” There. That was the truth.
“Very well,” Mattie said, turning her gaze straight ahead.
As they stepped onto Mattie’s covered porch, Winston stopped and took a deep breath, the words he needed to say caught in his throat. “Mattie, I…” he began, struggling to find the right words. “I appreciate your kindness today. More than you could ever know.”
Mattie gave him a small, sad smile. “You don’t have to thank me, Winston. I meant every word.”
He nodded, feeling a lump in his throat. “I know you did. And that means the world to me.”
She reached out and touched his sleeve gently. “We all have our burdens to bear. You don’t have to carry yours alone.”
Winston felt his resolve weakening, the urge to pull her into his arms nearly overwhelming. But he couldn’t. Not now.
“Good day, Mattie,” he said, his voice strained.
She let go of his arm, her touch lingering in his memory. “Good day, Winston,” she responded, turning to leave.
“Wait,” he said. “May I call upon youtomorrow?”
Her brow lifted in question.
He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling very nervous. “I… um… thought it would be a good time to speak to your father,” he rushed out.
“Yes, that would be wonderful,” she said before she disappeared into the cottage.
