“In,” she demanded.
Like a good little zombie, I obeyed.
Ice- needling ice-
“Fuck,that’s freezing!” I howled, lurching out.
But she wasn't having my shit. She shoved me in again.
“You need to cool down, you have a fever.”
My jaw chattered so loud I was sure I’d crack a tooth. She stripped too, getting into the cold shower and soaping up a washcloth. I didn’t have the chance to admire her nakedness as my legs wobbled. I braced myself on the slippery wall.
She eased me down gently. Sitting with me, she washed my hair, face, and body. I watched my sins swirl down the drain.
“I told Jack why you went back. What you did for us.”
My eyelids drooped under the soothing strokes of her hands.
“How’d he take it?”
“He said the next time you try to be a martyr, he’s cutting off your dick.”
I choked on a laugh, my eyes burning- not with power, but with emotion. I never used the wordluckyabout anything in my life, but when it came to the two people who came to my rescue, it was the only word that fit.
“Fair enough,” I croaked. From behind, Courtney pressed a kiss to my shoulder. Then my neck. Up to my ear.
“Time for bed,” she murmured. She shut off the water while I sat shivering on the tile, returning a moment later with a warm towel. She hauled me up and helped dry me off.
“How did you know?” I asked as I shuffled beside her to the bedroom. She closed the door, shed her towel and donned a sweatshirt, handing me an electrolyte drink from a bag of whatever she sent Jack to retrieve. I didn’t even remember him returning to drop it off and pick up Buddy.
“Know what?”
I sat on the edge of her bed and downed some of the bland liquid. She tugged a t-shirt over my head.
“That I’m going through withdrawals.”
“Oh,” she sighed, helping me into a pair of sweatpants. “My mom.”
I willed the earth to swallow me whole. This incredible, selfless girl dealt with a drug addict parent and nowme.
A hand cupped my cheek and titled my face up. Her damp silvery hair hung down her back, shimmering like freshly fallen snow.
“I don’t think less of you, but I won’t let you destroy yourself either. What were you taking?”
I cringed. “Anything. Everything. I didn’t want to think. I still don’t.” She responded with a sweet kiss on my forehead. “I can’t blame Jack for giving them to me. I was so fucked up, he didn’t know what else to do, but those pills,” I paused, looking away from her, “It was the first time I slept without seeinghim.”
She straddled me, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulled my head to her chest. Inhaling her santal scent was a drug in itself.
“You never get their voice out of your head, do you?” she mused. I kissed her collarbone.
“No.”
She sat back to look me in the eye. “No more drugs. Not if you want this.”
This. Her.Us.
Could I make it without glorious numbness? I already knew my answer.
