In record time, I stomped up to my dorm and a torpedo of golden fur launched at me. I caught Buddy’s wiggling body in my arms, ruffling his silky fur as his tongue ran up the side of my face. It still made me grin remembering how Jack paid off the RA to keep Buddy in the dorm.
“Did you talk to your nemesis?” Jack asked around a mouthful of chips. Setting Buddy down, I leaned back against the closed door and shut my eyes. The retriever barked, pawing at my jeans. “He says you're pissed,” Jack translated.
“Yea, well, I failed spectacularly and I’m pretty sure she’s convinced I’m psycho.”
“I mean, she wouldn’t be wrong,” Jack mused.
My phone vibrated for the hundredth time. Jack licked salt from his fingers, staring at me expectantly. I’d swept the Miranda Blowjob Incident under the rug; no way in hell would I jeopardize my friendship for that bullshit. To my utmostdispleasure, she wasn’t getting the memo.
“Either you suddenly have more friends, or your mom has separation anxiety,” Jack stated. Flicking him the middle finger, I stole his bag of chips. He wasn’t off about Mom. My older sister, Marie, moved out with her fiancé and their kid before I left for college, leaving Mom all alone in an empty house. My fingertips grazed the little leather-bound journal in my pocket to loosen the grasp of guilt.
“Since you’re back, get cleaned up,” Jack demanded. “We have pre-game in an hour.”
I shoved a handful of chips in my mouth and chewed to avoid complaining. DIK was hosting a Syllabus Week Party and Jack wouldn’t shut up about it. I stripped off my shirt and headed for the shower.
“Bruh, you gotta tell me who does your tats,” Marty drawled from his doorway, a fat joint sticking out of his mouth. I ignored him, slamming the bathroom door. Alone at last, I let hot water pelt my head as memories in someone else’s shower resurfaced.
My eyes drifted shut, bracing against the wall as I fisted myself and stroked roughly. Where dark hair should’ve been, silvery blond appeared. Where green eyes peeked up at me from her knees, wide gray eyes blinked instead. Red lips parted to take my cock-
What the fuck?
I stopped suddenly, panting in confusion at my own fantasy. What the actual hell was I doing imaginingher? Sure, she was beautiful, there was no denying that, but Courtney was a walking, talking DANGER sign. Shielding me aside, she was off limits. Taken.
I rushed through the rest of my shower, desperately ignoring my aching dick, and ducked into my room to dress. My fingers lingered on the journal splayed on my bed. Caressing the creased leather I crouched down, eye level with it. Worn, thumbed pages warmed beneath my touch in recognition. Opening to a blank page, I stared into the expanse of emptiness, eyes burning and freezing as I purged my mind.
The first time had me so scared, I didn’t sleep for two days straight. The second time, fear morphed into an adrenaline high. After that, I dove in headfirst. My soul was irreparable anyway.
Banging startled me up.
“We don’t have time for you to jerk off, let’s go!” Jack called. Smirking to myself, I tucked the journal in my pocket. At least tonight held the promise of oblivion.
5
Courtney
“Shehatesherroomiesbecause they’re so far up their sorority’s ass that they don’t even talk to her,” Hannah continued. I nodded along, sipping from the water bottle filled with watermelon flavored vodka. It tasted like gasoline flavored jolly rancher. “And her one roommate won’t shut up about the guy she hooked up with last weekend, saying his dick was legendary or something.”
A giggle bubbled up, making me choke on the flammable liquid. Coughing, I passed her the bottle, my nose and eyes burning. I never drank. Mom, hypocrite that she was, said it had more calories than bread and no one wanted to drink their calories when you could eat them- or at least I didn’t. Dinner over liquid? I’d take food, thanks. Despite the urge to puke it all up, I continued drinking.
Calories be damned.
Between candy flavored alcohol and anxiety from lying to Vince, I jittered with every step. I told him I was going to bed early and shut off my phone, promising Hannah that I wouldn’t call or text him unless I was in serious trouble. But I was terrified he’d catch me.
Even at night, the Florida heat and humidity draped around us like a weighted blanket. My thin cotton sundress caught on the slight breeze, cooling the sweat collected under my breasts. The thump of a bass reverberated from a row of brick townhomes that spilled drunk students holding Solo cups as they migrated from one door to the next. Hannah beamed like a kid at an amusement park, grabbing my hand and marching for a cluster of guys.
“Eric!” She exclaimed. The tallest of them spun around, a grin splitting his face. He opened his arms wide for Hannah.
“Bio babe!”
She giggled, releasing me to race at him. He caught her in a hug. I hesitated as Eric introduced her to the group.
“Court, stop standing there and say hi,” Hannah snapped. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I waved awkwardly. The steady buzz of vodka had my lips curling into a shy smile. With glazed eyes, Eric grinned back at me.
“What sorority are you in, baby girl?”
I bit my lip. “Oh, I’m not in a sorority.”
“She’s in the dance program like me,” Hannah explained, tucked into Eric’s side.
