I don’t make it.
Vomit explodes from my mouth. I bend in half, hands on knees as another round hits.
“Win!”
Heaving, I try to choke out reassurances, but only manage to spew more bile.
A palm smooths up and down my spine. “Ok, ok, easy,” Remy murmurs.
Great. He’s been my boyfriend again for an hour and I’m already fucking everything up.
“S-sorry.”
He hushes me, swirling patterns between my shoulder blades. “You alright?”
My jaw chatters. I promised myself that I’d answer his questions honestly, even if it feels like flaying myself alive.
“No.”
His soothing strokes stop.
I should’ve lied.
Shoes crunch on the broken shells, circling me. My heart flies out of my chest when fingertips brush back the hair hiding my face. He squats to my eye level.
“What do you need?”
No one has asked me that before. It’s always, “what do you want?” Or in moments like this, “what’s wrong?”I’m so thrown off that the words simply fall out.
“To get out of here.”
He guides me upright without questioning further. I swipe the back of my hand across my lips and shuffle beside him to the passenger side of his truck. My nose whistles with every inhale, throat cracking on every exhale. Once I’m buckled in, he hands me a stick of gum and speeds in the direction of his apartment.
I slump in the bucket seat, body limp and heart pounding.
In the corner of my eye, Remy’s hands tighten on the wheel.
Either he can sense my stare or he’s psychic because he glances over. “Checking in.”
“Huh?”
“On you. What can I do to help?”
I roll my head to gape at him. Twice now, he’s kicked my brain out of my skull by asking the right thing. He sighs, shaking his head. “You’ve dealt with this on your own this whole time, haven’t you?”
“This?”
He taps the dash over the steering wheel. “I think I’ve had enough panic attacks to recognize one.”
Valid point.
“I can usually… get through it without anyone noticing.”
The truck jerks as he whips his head around. “Youwhat?”
“It’s not a big de—”
“How many times, Win?” he demands, not giving me a second to speak before yelling, “How many fucking times did you suffer right in front of my fucking face and I didn’t see it?”
