“Someone give this guy a beer,” AJ whoops across the group. “I’ve heard that he may be something of a big deal back home.”
“I’m not a big deal,” I grumble.
“Yes, you are,” Kath sings in my ear. “But we don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to.”
She stands up to go and buy everyone a round of drinks and I fall into conversation with the guys. Ten minutes later when she isn’t back, I frown and look around. Some guy is talking to her at the bar and when I squint I spot that it’s one of the French swimmers. One of the really annoying French swimmers who isn’t actually friendly to anyone else on the circuit. I’ve never liked that guy.
“Why are you trying to kill Luc with your eyes?” Austin asks.
“I’m not.”
“Do we hate him on principle because he’s talking to Kath or are you just gazing intently at the alcohol display behind the bar with a face like thunder?”
“Shut up,” I grunt.
“Hey, I’m happy to hate him on principle too.”
“I’m going over there.” But before I can stand up Kath saunters back, beers in hand.
“What are you guys getting up to for the rest of the week then?” she asks Seb.
The groups start chatting about their plans whilst I quietly nurse my beer. This is one of the first beers I’ve had in nearly a year. The others don’t always take the non-drinking side of training as seriously as I do, but I almost never have alcohol.
When I finish the second bottle, I’m already beginning to feel slightly buzzed, and Kath’s hair is looking prettier and prettier. It’s so shiny and such a beautiful shade of brown. I love the slightly lighter strands that run through, sun-kissed from her time here.
“Your hair’s pretty,” I tell her, and she laughs. “And it’s really soft.”
“Two beers, Sam? Really?”
I just smile at her and pull her onto my lap so that I can stroke her hair. I like being close to Kath. She smells so good. Of her. And home. My nose skims against her neck and she sucks in a breath, stiffening for a moment before relaxing into me. Austin’s watching us, but doesn’t say anything.
“I heard your interview, you know,” Kath says to me as we wait for the others to get another round of drinks.
“Really? Which one?” I hum against her skin, inhaling the smell of her coconut shampoo again.
“The one you just did,” she replies, rubbing my leg softly and turning to me, our faces close. I can even make out her freckles in the dim lighting. “The one where you spoke about your mum and how you wanted to make her proud. She’d be proud of you. It would’ve made her so happy to see this whole week.”
“Do you really think that?” The alcohol’s loosening my tongue. “I don’t know if she would be.”
Mum always used to tell me there was more to life than swimming. Always used to encourage me to have more friends over to our house. I don’t know if she would be happy with the version of my life I’ve made, and now I can’t ever ask her.
“Oh, Sam,” Kath sighs. “She was already so proud of you. Don’t you remember how happy she was in Paris? I was sitting next to her in the stands and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone shout so loudly. Your happiness is what made her happy.”
I hum absentmindedly, curling another strand of her hair around my finger.
“I really miss you when I’m away.” I switch from one painful truth to another.
“I miss you too.” She leans back into my chest. “I have lots of great friends, but you’re the best one.”
Someone hands me another bottle of beer and I drink it in two quick gulps.Best friend. Remember that, Sam. Just friends.
“Pace yourself,” she warns me.
Too late. The room blurs a little. But the girl on my lap is crystal clear.
Having Kath this close reminds me of the summer before we left for university. A time when I could pull her towards me and it would end with a kiss. I wish we could have that again. I wonder if she does?
“Do I wish for what?” Kath turns to look at me.
