“It is. You are my apprentice, and you will never be my consort.” She stands up. “Even if I ignored the violation ofanypatronization, I can’t change the fundamental limits of a consort. Your magic can only improve with deeper intimacy towards a Ringborn; you can never bond with multiple patrons like a patron could have multiple consorts. When you are ready, I will prepare dates you can actually grow close to.”
My eyes glaze over as I watch her leave.
Actually grow close to.
Because, I can’t with her. It wouldn’t matter if the warmth I felt in her touch was my real, genuine affection. It wouldn’t matter if she felt something for me. It wouldn’t change the fact that I look like a child when seated next to a picture of the woman she loved.
Maybe she’s right. The right date can fix me. These small moments, I can forget them. I can forget this.
“You can leave now, Piero.”
I slink behind, watching from the hallway.
He groggily lifts his head up. “Vinzie? You okay?”
“Of all the names, notthat,“ she breathes.
“What? Oh, fuck. Sorry.”
“It’s fine. But you can go home now. I think your broodmale’s getting tired.”
“What? Are you?” Piero blinks and looks at his boyfriend. “It’s only been a couple of hours, right? We can hold out longer.”
The ‘broodmale’ laughs and spins his fingers through Piero’s hair. “You’re still high.”
Piero groans and shakes the sides of his head—it’s kind of cute. “Ugh, I timed it for the date.”
“We’ll have another one. Let’s get home.”
Piero’s dragged by his boyfriend to the door.
I’ve never before felt so dramatically jealous. Piero’s at his worst, and he has someone who’ll make sure it’s okay. He can’t have less than that, so long as they’re together.
I brave closer to Mistress Vincenza. “Do they share a home?”
“Yes. I think they’re already planning their proposal.”
Just before leaving, Piero’s boyfriend laughs and turns around to muse, “maybe it can be at your bar.”
Mistress Vincenza shuns her eyes to the floor.
“Bar? The—the event?” My heart picks up.
“Besides the radio, it was supposed to be your other surprise.” She inhales and lifts her head. “Not too long after the Lights Festival, we have a small bar space procured. I still need to handle documentation and advertisements. You can handle the desk while I’m gone.”
She drifts behind me, never letting an eye drop to see mine.
Chapter 20
Distance Expressed in Time
I have to push away these feelings that can’t be reciprocated.
But I want to push them away because I want to be closer, close enough for a hug to be safe. A want that is almost definitely from these feelings. How in the fuck do I work that out?
I want to praytothe Great Ring. Look up at. Not just empty words sung with the hope of it listening.
“I’ll miss you, blankets,” I whisper as I throw off the sheets and toss on underwear.
