“Do you think tonight will go better?” I ask Chaos, leaning my forehead against his side, letting his warmth seep into me.
It’s easier to talk to him than the Hunter. For one, the massive steed seems to like me. For another, we don’t share a complicated history.
Chaos snorts, which I’m choosing to interpret asFuck, no.
“Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of.” Fishing the brush out of the saddlebag, I mimic the movements I’ve watched Gabriel do the past four nights and run it down the steed’s side in largecircles. “Between you and me, I’m pretty sure the Hunter is made of stone.”
That would explain why Gabriel has no problem riding for days on end. Even with the scrape on his arm, which seems to be healing, his movements are easy. Effortless.
I’m so fucking jealous. Not only of the way Gabriel rides, although anyone would be. There is a strength in the way he lives his life, a sureness. He knows who he is, and he’s confident in it.
I aspire to have that kind of inner confidence one day.
“You know, it’s weird.” My voice is soft as I keep running the brush down the mount’s side. “The Hunter and I have fallen into an odd sort of rhythm.”
At night, he rides, and I try not to fall off the horse and die. When the twin suns start casting their rays across the horizon, we seek shelter.
Gabriel insists it isn’t safe for us to travel during the day, and considering he’s the professional and I’m the one with the glowing Mark, I haven’t argued with him about that. Not only that, but the same pull that drew me towards Gabriel beneath the palace seems delighted every time he shows me a hint of kindness.
There hasn’t been a repeat performance of me falling off Chaos, mostly because Gabriel has insisted on helping me dismount every day since then. And who am I to argue with a sturdy pair of hands helping me off a horse? Especially with the way my body is aching. When we stop for the day, it takes all my energy to eat a few bites and take care of my personal needs before I collapse into sleep.
I’m feeling stronger today than yesterday, though, and I hope that’s a good sign.
“I don’t trust Gabriel,” I confess on a sigh, needing to speak the words out loud to process them.
I’m not sure I will ever fully trust anyone again. There is something about seeing so much death and learning everything and everyone has been lying that has shattered my ability to rely on other people.
“But do you know what’s weird?” I don’t wait for an answer. “I’m not sure I still hate him.”
Hatred is apparently much easier to maintain from a distance. At least, that’s how it’s been with us. I’m finding it increasingly difficult to loathe Gabriel when he seems so invested in keeping me out of the king’s hands.
Without him, I’d truly be alone.
There’s a moment’s pause, and then Chaos nudges my arm. I realize I’ve stopped brushing. With a chuckle, I restart my movements.
“Sorry. I was just thinking.” I’m always doing that, these days.
My memories of the night we left my sisters in Rosebridge are hazy, and even though I’m feeling more like myself, grief still exists inside me. A constant simmer, sometimes it boils over, drawing my attention to it and filling my heart with pain.
I don’t think it’ll ever go away.
Chaos’s tail flicks back and forth, as if he’s eager to leave.
“I’m sure we’ll be on our way as soon as Gabriel gets back,” I murmur.
That’s something else that’s changed. Apparently, Gabriel and I are a “we” now. At least for the time being. Not in a relationship sense—for the suns’ sakes, that willneverfucking happen—but I can’t deny it any longer.
The Hunter is, for whatever reason, on my side.
We’ve had four more near run-ins with Watchers. Each time, Gabriel didn’t abandon me or decide that enough was enough and being on the run with me was too much work. If he’d turnedme in, I doubt anyone would’ve blinked an eye. For fuck’s sake, he probably would’ve been rewarded.
But instead, he’s stayed.
Every.
Single.
Day.
