He laughed at the serious expression on her face. “Oh, I can list them out for you, if you’d like, but I have to warn you, we could be here for days.”
She chuckled at that. “I don’t think that will be necessary.” Her gaze was still on him, a fine web of wrinkles, though he thought of them as laugh lines, radiating from the corners of her eyes. There were laugh lines around her mouth, too, but they didn’t detract from her beauty—not at all. They only enhanced her loveliness and told him that this woman laughed. A lot. “Have you ever been in love?”
He shook his head. “No.”
The answer seemed to surprise her. “Never?”
“Is that so hard to believe?”
“Yes, I find that hard to believe. Everyone has fallen in love at some point in their lives, even if it was unrequited.”
He didn’t agree, but then again, what did he know of love? Absolutely nothing. There were people who were fond of him, like Father O’Malley and Sister Agnes, and he was fond of them in return, but love? No, that was something he hadn’t experienced. “What about you?” he asked, even though he knew about Marshal Tom. “Were you ever in love?”
“Once,” she admitted with a sigh. “A long time ago.” She stared at her hands folded in her lap. The fading sunlight, filled with shades of red and pink and gold, reflected on her, making the strands of silver in her hair turn a pale golden red.
“What was his name?”
“Tom Gray.”
“Tell me about him.”
She glanced at him then turned back toward the sunset though he didn’t miss the flash of sadness in her eyes. “He was the Marshal here in Serenity,” she said softly. “He was a good man.”
“How did you meet?”
“He rode out to the ranch one morning to warn me about horse thieves in the area, wanting to make sure we were aware of the danger, wanting to make sure I was safe. He was like that. Caring. Sweet. Protective, very much like Teddy. The boys adored him. So did Hilde and almost everyone who knew him. I adored him.” Her voice grew hoarse and she cleared her throat.
“After the horse thieves were arrested, he kept coming around, a couple times a week, on his ‘rounds,’ as he called his visits. He started staying for a cup of coffee and we’d talk. Coffee turned into dinners here at the house and in town.” She laughed. “It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him or for him to feel the same way. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes. What else could I say? I loved him. Still do.” She drew in her breath and didn’t say anything for the longest time. When she finally spoke again, her voice was stronger, but he could still hear the sadness in her tone.
“We spent weeks planning our wedding, making lists of who we should invite, what we should have to eat. He wanted a big wedding. He said it was the only one he’d ever have. We were going to have it right here in the garden. My friend Marisol made my wedding dress. Hilde was going to make my wedding cake.”
She grew quiet then, her face in profile as the sun dipped lower in the horizon, perhaps remembering Tom, or perhaps, trying to forget him, though one never truly forgets.
“Then a week before the wedding, Owen Pierce came out to see me. He was Tom’s deputy and a good friend. I knew before he opened his mouth that it was bad news. And it was. It broke his heart to tell me that Tom…died. It broke mine, too.”
“I’m sorry.” What else could he say? Hewassorry, not only for asking the question, but for making her remember the pain of Tom’s loss.
After a moment, she turned to face him, and her eyes were shimmering with tears. “It was a long time ago. I’ve learned to live with his decision to go after the man who killed my sister and her husband, even after he promised me he wouldn’t. Deep in my heart, I know he had to do what he had to do. I just wish he hadn’t lied to me. I wish I could have at least said goodbye.”
His gut tightened as sympathy flared in his heart for her. He should change the subject to relieve her pain and his, make her laugh. Say something, anything to get rid of the sorrow on her face, in her voice.
Before he could open his mouth and follow through on his thought, she gave a slight nod then swiped at her eyes. She drew in her breath, her chest moving with the effort, drawing his attention to the ivory buttons on her blouse before he focused on her face once again. The sadness in her eyes seemed to be dimming.
She looked at him. “Why did you respond to Lucy’s advertisement?” A slight smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “You’re a handsome man. I’m certain you wouldn’t have any problem finding a wife without resorting to an advertisement. In fact, I daresay you would have to chase them away.”
“I’ve never had to—as you say—chase women away.”
“I’m serious, Jake. Why would a man like you answer an advertisement for a husband and come to a ranch, when it’s quite obvious you know nothing about ranching?”
Should he be truthful as Tom hadn’t been? Obviously, honesty was especially important to her, but one look at her face, and he knew he couldn’t blurt out the fact that he’d been a gambler for the past five years, or that a ruthless, persistent man was looking for him for the money he’d won from him. He couldn’t say he was afraid he’d end up dead in San Francisco Bay. He hated that he had to lie to her, so he kept to the truth he could tell her. “Honestly, I was looking for a change, something more to my life, something I’ve been missing.”
She nodded, as if the answer he gave was acceptable, but then her head tilted just a bit and she gazed at him. He noticed that she could give the same look as Teddy. Unflinching, as if it could see into one’s soul. Perhaps that’s where Teddy got it. She didn’t blink, which was a bit intimidating, but there was something else, too, in her beautiful blue-gray eyes. A wish, perhaps. A spark of hope. “I’m sure you know that Oscar responded to Lucy’s advertisement.”
“Yes, I know.” He finished the stew, then took a bite of the chocolate cake, which melted on his tongue, but he never admitted how the knowledge that Oscar was here for the same reason he was made him feel. Whereas he’d never felt love, he had, most certainly, experienced jealousy and any number of other emotions.
“I’ve read the letter Oscar received from Lucy,” she said, when he didn’t comment further. “If the letter you received from her was the same as his, it was merely an invitation to meet, perhaps get to know each other better, so why did you say that you hoped you hadn’t missed our wedding when we first met?” she asked.
He’d known, eventually, she would ask, but still, he wasn’t prepared. If he lied, she would see right through it. Truthfully, he didn’t want to do that to her. She didn’t deserve it and he already had one lie under his belt, though it was a lie of omission…he didn’t want more. His gaze swept over her face. “I saw all the tables set up and the banner on the rose arbor with the words “Forever as one” written in gold, and I knew there had been a wedding, and then…I saw you. I thought—I’m not even sure what I thought at that moment or if I even had a thought at all.” He laughed. “All I knew was how lovely you are and that perhaps I’d missed my chance. That perhaps you had married someone else.” His gaze drank in all the beauty she possessed. “Have I? Missed my chance.”
