My mind is made up. I’m going to do this, not because I want to, but because I have no other choice. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
As soon as I open my mouth he cuts me off. “Please, Maddie, don’t—”
“I’m sorry, but I have to. You’re like this perfect guy, but this life… it’s too much. I don’t know any girl who could do this. It isn’t anything you’ve done, it’s just the situation you’re trapped in and to be honest, I deserve better.”
CHAPTER 43
Riggs
God, I wish she hadn’t used those words.
Anything—even I hate you—would have beenbetter. What she said was so similar to how Veronica ended things, I don’t want to even look at her right now. Instead, I stay focused on the roadin silence.
She doesn’t say anything either; like that’s it, her devastating words are final. Maybe that’s how she feels, but now that I’ve had a moment to calm the fuck down, maybe I’m not ready to give up, not yet. “So, this is it? As far as you’re concerned, it’s over? You’re okay with just walking away?”
She doesn’t answer.
I don’t know what else to do, so I keep driving. I have no idea where we’re going, but at least being trapped in this car together means we can still talk about it—if she’s willing to.
I drive for another thirty minutes, the air thick with heartache when she finally turns from the window to face me. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being a total bitch right now.”
There’s a dirtroad up ahead. It looks like it might go to someone’s farm, but all I can see are hills. I pull off and put the car in park so I can turn my full attention to her.
“You’re not being a bitch.” I reach up and brush a strand of hair from off her face. “You’re dealing with a lot. We both are, so I think we get a pass.”
“You always say the right thing.” Water begins to well up in her eyes. “This whole thing, it sucks so bad.”
I want to pull her into a hug. I want to hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay. If only that were true. But right now, it doesn’t look like any of this will be okay, so instead, I sit here for a minute trying to muster the courage to do what needs to be done. “Look,” I finally say, “I’m going to be totally honest with you. I hate this more than anything. I don’t want to lose you, but at the same time, I don’t want to hurt you. I’d give anything to avoid that, but it seems like no matter what I do, I’m going to. If we stay together and try to make this work, you’ll end up miserable, I’ll end up frustrated, and it would only be a matter of time before we’re back here again, wondering if it’s all worth it. And if this is it, if it’s over, we both walk away in pain. It’s hard because neither of us did anything. It’s not like one of us cheated. I’m in love with you. That’s why I want to do what’s best for you, even if it kills me.”
Her tears are flowing, and it’s tearing me up inside. She sobs and looks around the car. I can see she needs a tissue, so I reach over and open the glove box. It’s empty. I don’t see anything that will work, so I grab the sleeve of my T-shirt and give it a hefty tug. It rips off at the seam, and I hand it to her. “Sorry, it’s all I could come up with.”
“I can’t believe you just did that.” Shetakes it and blows her nose then turns to me. “If it were completely up to you, what would you do?”
I have to think about that for a minute. What’s best for her? What’s best for us? I don’t know why I’m hesitating, I knew the answer before she asked. “It seems like we have four choices. Option one, you go back to Sweetbriar Hollow, then we talk by phone whenever we can, and we spend as much time together as we can between trips. Option two, you take the job with the film crew, and we try to spend as much time together as we can. Actually, you don’t have to take the job. You could just be my girlfriend and come and go when you want. It’s like you said—you’re not interested in the film industry, and this way no one would be telling you what to do.”
She turns to look out her window muttering, “The third option is to end this now.” She tries to wipe her eyes dry with her palms, but it’s no use. Finally, she turns back to me with, “What’s the fourth option?”
“Try to keep an open mind because this is a tricky one.”
“Okay.”
I see a glimmer of hope in her eyes, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing. I guess I’m about to find out. “All right, here’s what I’m thinking. If you traveled with Rhonda while she was on the film crew, most of the time we’d only see each other from a distance. I would probably be able to sneak off occasionally, but where would we go? There are three double-stacked bunk beds per trailer. We’d have to share a bed while five other people are in the same room. That wouldn’t work. And it’s like you said, they’ll be filming us constantly—every meal we cook over a fire, building shelters, hiking, and all the crazy stuff we end up doing. It won’t belike I can take a break to have dinner with my girlfriend. We’ll see each other every day, but we’ll hardly be able to even talk. How long would it take before we decided it wasn’t working? Probably not long, so that isn’t a realistic option.”
She nods and her gaze falls to her hands clasped in her lap as she murmurs, “And we already know what being separated is like. I don’t think I can keep doing that.”
“I know. It wasn’t working for me either.”
She looks up with desperation in her eyes. “So, what’s the fourth option?”
I reach over to take her hand. She doesn’t pull away like I thought she might. That’s encouraging. “We give up one hundred and eight million dollars, then you and I walk away. And before you try to convince me it’s not worth it, you’re wrong. To me, you’re worth every penny.”
She grips my hand tight. “Are you being serious right now?”
“I can’t think of any other way. So what if we have to take the company public? If Elsie had to choose between losing Arlo and Odie and selling shares in the company, you bet she’d choose her dogs. How is this different? She might not see it that way at first. Hell, we’ll probably need to find a secluded island that’s not on any maps and hang out there for a few decades until she calms down, but she would come around eventually.”
She does her laugh that’s almost a snort that I love. “A few decades on a tropical island? Would it have a jacuzzi?”
That puts a smile on my face. “Duh!”
