So why did Jake go? Was it to ask Dad for my hand? Goosebumps wash over me like tiny little kisses at the mere thought of it. What else could it be? I pull in a deep breath as my heart flutters with the excitement of the possibility.
Exhaling, I take in the night air, crisp and full of anticipation. Most of us are gathered around the ginormous bonfire that’s typical for any Sweetbriar party. Firelight flickers against the dark sky as sparks rise to dance with the stars. In the background, Mark’s majestic wood barn—red with white trim—is silhouetted in the moonlight while a soft breeze entices boughs of the surrounding evergreens to sway in hypnotic waves. The whole place isimmaculate and romantic to its very core. Silver Creek even runs under an arched stone bridge in the wooded front yard. It’s no wonder Sarah wants to have her wedding here. It’s mid-February, and the place looks like something you’d envision in a fairy tale, but in June, it’s downright gorgeous. How I would love to have a June wedding here. I think Mark might agree to it, but the truth is, I don’t think I’d want to wait that long. Maybe a week at the most. I love the idea of a quick wedding, besides, why wait when I’ve waited long enough?
Oregon weather is a little chilly this time of year, and yes, there’s plenty of rain. As the old saying goes, Oregonians don’t tan, they rust. But the rain makes everything so beautiful, and with each passing week bringing us closer to summer, this ranch with all its evergreens, ground ferns, and my favorite, the blue bachelor’s button flowers that grow wild in abundance, all of it combined makes this place even more romantic. In fact, now that I think about it, this is the perfect place to propose. Is that why Jake begged Mark to let us come tonight? Is that why Sarah agreed? It has to be, right?
While my nerves prickle with anticipation, like my red Solo cup, suddenly I’m all too aware of how alone I am standing here. I glance over to where I last saw Jake, and he’s not there. I scan the crowd, hoping he’s making his way to me, but I don’t see him. There must be over three hundred people here. Everyone is bundled up in sweaters, hoodies and jackets. It’s the kind of night that was made for cuddling by a fire, so where is my boyfriend?
The fact that most of us went to high school together is both good and bad. Some things never change, like the guys standing not far to my left. They haven’ttaken their eyes off me. One guy, Dan, has been staring at my ass for the past five minutes. He’s always been a creep. And Mike, standing next to him, has been gaping at my chest. It wouldn’t surprise me if those two are still virgins. Honestly, I don’t know a single girl who would date either of them. Regardless, I’m used to guys perving. It’s what men do. And it’s not just me. They do it to all the girls. They think we don’t notice, but we do. We all do.
“Hey, baby, I’ve been looking for you,” Jake’s voice comes from behind me. He steps to my side and drapes his arm around my shoulders. The closeness and warmth of his body feels good. I smile up at him as he pulls me close and plants a kiss on my cheek with, “You look gorgeous tonight.”
Sure, he’s drunk, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t sincere. This is what I mean—all lovey-dovey. It’s been a while since he’s been this affectionate, especially in public, and I absolutely love it! As I snuggle into him, I picture this being the rest of our lives, two people in love and Jake being the man I know he can be.
I glance down to see he’s holding a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in his other hand, and it’s nearly full. That’s good. It means he’s not that drunk. Not yet.
He looks around, then takes his arm from my shoulders and steps forward. What is he doing? Is this it? My hand darts to my mouth in surprise. Could he really be doing this?
He turns to face Dan, Mike, and the other guys standing around, then calls out, “Hey, I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world, right?”
The air leaves my lungs as my heart pounds against my chest! Oh my God, it’s really happening?
“Am I right?” Jake continues. “I mean, look at her, sofucking hot, right?”
Okay, that’s just the alcohol talking. Obviously, he’s nervous, but I think it’s cute.
Jake staggers a little, then catches his balance before he stumbles. “Tell you what, boys, for a hundred dollars, she’ll give you the best blowjob of your life. Trust me, it’ll be the best BJ you’ve ever had. Her mouth is legendary!” He pauses, looking around while I… what did he just say? After another long swig from the bottle, his gaze darts to Dan and Mike. “Who wants to be first?”
I blink. What? I… I don’t know what’s happening. What did he just say? My cheeks are burning as tears well up in my eyes blurring the scene around me. I’ve never felt so… embarrassed? Mortified? Humiliated? All of the above, and I literally can’t move as an icy chill cascades down my spine. Why would he joke about something like this? Is he that drunk?
With my head spinning in a haze of fog, I try to gather my thoughts. This is so much worse than pissing on Sarah’s plants, like a million times worse. And I thought… I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m such an idiot!
Tears stream down my flaming cheeks. So fucking stupid!
Jake doesn’t even notice. He’s too focused on the guys. “C’mon, boys, don’t be shy.” He staggers forward, swinging the Jack Daniel’s bottle around before taking another swig, then wiping his mouth with his sleeve in true drunk-asshole fashion. “I’m telling you, you’ll thank me later. Her mouth is worth double that. You’ll see.”
Shut up! Anger… no… not anger, I’m way past that. Mind numbing rage is clearing my head. I just wanthim to shut his filthy mouth. I’m never going to live this down. He thinks he’s being funny, but he’s not.
A horrifying thought slams into me. What if he’s not joking?
He has to be, right?
The mere thought of what he’s suggesting is too much, even for him. I feel dizzy, and I think I’m going to be sick. He is joking, isn’t he?
Why can’t I tell? Maybe because he sounds so serious, but at the same time there are limits, and even he knows this would be one giant, blaring red line that he could never, ever cross. He has to know that.
But does he? Honestly, the way he’s acting, I don’t think he does. I think he might actually believe he could get me to do this. Why would he want to? I guess the bigger question is, how could he think so little of me?
Despite the chilling night air, heat sears my skin at the mere thought of him trying to use me this way. It’s a lot to process, and the anger building in my stomach makes it hard to breathe. I try to pull in shallow breaths as I bring a sweaty palm to my chest.
“Dan, come on,” he bellows. “It’s a deep throat you’ll never forget. Hell, for five hundred she’ll rock your world in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. It’ll be the best hour of your life, I promise.”
A high-pitched ringing in my ears drowns out the music blaring over the loudspeakers as my vision narrows like I’m looking down a dark tunnel that’s shrinking to a pinhole. I haven’t had a panic attack in years. I try to slow my breathing as my failing vision falls to the ground. He just keeps talking, saying the nastiest things I think I’ve ever heard, and I can’ttake it anymore. I claw at consciousness as my whole body begins to sway. It’s like there’s a million caterpillars crawling around my insides, nibbling and devouring every bit of self-respect I have left. I drop my Solo cup, the beer washing over my worn tennis shoes.
It’s strange. Feeling the cold liquid drench my socks is somehow… calming. It’s the distraction I desperately needed to snap me out of this haze. My breathing slows.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice phones being held up, and not some phones—every damn one of them. Of course they’re filming this epic disaster that’s my life. All I can do is pull in a deep breath in a weak attempt to keep from adding even more excitement to their soon-to-be viral videos by hurling what’s left of my tortured stomach. How could Jake do this to me? How could he do this to us?
I force my eyes down, like that simple gesture can somehow make me invisible. I don’t want to look up. I don’t want to see anyone. Every girl here is probably wondering why I’m with a guy like Jake. The weight of their stares is crushing me, crushing my soul, and there’s no way out of this. I feel so trapped.
